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Rehman Baba and Rehman Malik

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Come on now. Admit it. You almost fell for it. You looked at the barbed wires, freight containers, tear gas shelling, cracked skull and broken bones and may be only once or twice doubted the Shriek Chairman’s commitment to restoring the Chief Justice. There is no use denying it. The thought did cross you mind. No no, don’t feel guilty. I don’t blame you, especially when it was such a professional job. When I looked at the GPO square, I was myself reminded of Tiananmen Square.

That it was done with such a consummate skill is a tribute to the professionalism of Rehman Bhai. He made it look so real. His outstanding ability and steely determination to maintain the law and order is tempered with compassion and humility, in line with our venerated Sufi tradition. This is the land of Rehman Malik and Rehman Baba. One of them a gentle soul, who treats even his opponents with kid gloves, and the other, the Nightingale of Pukhtunkhwa, who sang of love of humanity. It is no surprise that one can be mistaken for the other, as indeed happened in the recent bombing episode.

It is true that Sherry Rehman jumped ship. If only she had waited for the whole picture to unfold and the grand plan of Shriek Chairman to fall into place. You can’t have two Chief Justices at one time. That would lead to anarchy and mayhem. It would cause economic collapse and paralysis of the communication network. It would cause HIV AIDS and leprosy. No, you can not notify it in advance. That would be illegal. How can you be so irresponsible as not to take into consideration the militant threat, drone attacks and the danger to our nuclear assets? It may be good for Sherry to do some soul searching.

You must have been impressed with my Oscar winning performances on many a TV channel. When I said that the CJ is political and should not be restored. I am pleased with the viewers’ response, who found it a very convincing act. Of course, I can now admit to the subterfuge. It was part of the grand plan, but I have also always meant it in the most complimentary way. I think it is good to be political. Some of my closest friends are political. Others are also trying hard to become political, including Naek Bhai and Taseer Bhai and to be honest, Shriek Chairman as well.

One should not forget the historic contribution of Maulana Fazlur Rehman, who has once again endeared himself to the nation with his unshakable belief in Sharia, Shriek Chairman, diesel fuel, land allotments and national integrity. We should offer our profound thanks to Quaid e Tehreek as well, who has, yet again expressed his undying love for the Mother Earth of Sind and also electric drills, gunny bags, cigarette burns, severed hands and other nation building devices.

16th of March was a great milestone in the history of our nation. This was achieved only due to the statesmanship and visionary leadership of the Shriek Chairman, as noted by Mr Holbrooke. A great future awaits us. We will continue to develop our judiciary and our democracy, drawing upon our Sufi traditions, 1973 constitution, IMF bailout package, Kerry-Luger bill and our nuclear strategic assets (which are in safe hands).

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