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Syed Walter Husain Mitty Pao

Who says I am afraid? Pakistan is a peaceful country where nobody has ever been harmed for their political views. Everyone in Islamabad lives in peace and harmony, except black goats, Chinese massage women and journalists led astray by petty notions of free speech. World renowned figures have made its relaxing holiday retreats such as Abbott Abad their second homes. International celebrities come and go with complete freedom, especially Navy Seals in Stealth Helicopters.  

I would like to convey my personal apologies to Justice Isa whom I respect more than Hazrat Isa. I do understand that there is a haloed tradition in the Fatherland, of judges leaving in the landing gear of aircrafts for the Holy Peninsula, once they have delivered their judicial verdicts. I am happy to send Judge Isa and the rest of the honorable bench my Lear Jet if they are inclined to visit Dubai or Monaco or interested in viewing the World Wide Wrestling from the ringside.  

Facts are facts and I would like to reiterate an important fact that I am an American. Like all Americans, I want the best for Pakistan. I want them to stew in their own jihadi juices. As I wrote in the FT, the ISI is a criminal organization. It is headed, nevertheless, by my best friend and playmate, dear old Pash whom I met in London over pina colada where we discussed world conquest and protection of persecuted minorities such as misunderstood American millionaires and bumbling third world spy chiefs.

I fully support an orderly transfer of power in Pakistan. The people in Pakistan deserve no less. It should be in line with its haloed traditions through an organized and professionally conducted military coup.

I would also like to draw the attention of the court and the State Department to the statements of Rehman Malik. I think it is time that he is declared a State Sponsor of Terrorism as well as a State Sponsor of Husain Haqqani, which a much more serious offense. How can the international community allow him to control the exit when he does not even control the entry of the enemies of America who have penetrated the heartland of Fak-Ap and are residing cheek by jowl with the prime minister himself?

I must state clearly that I have the utmost respect for the iconic professional lawyer, attorney at law, Mr Mohammad Akram Shaikh who has mastered the art of e-mail messaging via BlackBerry, as he mastered the art of producing copious foam at his highly qualified mouth. However, I have no intention of putting my vital organs at the mercy of Rehman Malik and the S-Section and ending up in the Upper Jhelum Canal, to posthumously achieve the same girth as Shaikh Sahib has in life.  

In other words, it is time to move on and leave this whole sordid saga behind us. I think the issue should be resolved amicably and peacefully through female wrestling. I would propose the names of two top class athletes who have proven their mettle in hand to hand combat, Mrs. Shireen Mazari and Mrs. Maya Khan, (the winner of Purple Heart in the daring Clifton Raid).



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