Letter to Brother Abdullah 

A thousand praises be to God, who created the planet and fossil fuel, and eternal damnation and Hellfire^® missile on those Tinpots, who spread rebellion and disorder on earth, and send the righteous and the faithful on forced pilgrimage. 

Your Highness,

I have arrived safely. From the airport, I went straight to the mausoleum of the great Sufi saint, Data Sahib for thanksgiving,  but my real intention was to visit another great saint, who is stationed nearby, called Allama Fazal Din. He has done more to redress the woes of humanity, than Mother Theresa and Maulana Edhi combined. He has founded and taken to undreamt of heights of glory and popularity, a great centre of learning called ‘Phajjey Key Siri Paye’.

It was a great feeling for me to sit at his feet, and immerse myself into the spiritually uplifting experience, that he offers to the seekers of truth, from all across the Ummah.

I also went to see Sister BB, in Islamabad. We were received in Islamabad, by armed police, who searched us in a manner, which was quite contrary to Sharia. I raised my middle finger as a gesture of defiance, as we sped away in the bullet proof car, so graciously provided by Your Highness. 

People were taking flowers in great quantities to the Chief Qazi Sahib. Shehbaz Sahib asked them whether the said Qazi had taken a new harem, but we were told that it was to show solidarity.

I asked sister BB, what is meant by solidarity. She told me this is an innovation, and should be discouraged, otherwise it can lead to schism. I asked her, what is schism? At this, she remained strangely aloof.  

I presented her a burqa, designed by Dior, and shared my experiences in the Holy Land with her. I suggested to her that it may be beneficial for her spiritual progress if she was to spend sometime in the Holy Land, as well, under the tutelage of Your Highness, (five years may be as good as ten). At this she remained strangely aloof. 

As she was consulting with Barrister Farooq, I told her that there are several upright and conscientious citizens in my constituency of Gawalmandi, who have developed an extraordinary ability to distinguish truth from falsehood, as they are all devoted disciples of Allama Fazal Din. They were instrumental in breaking the judicial deadlock that faced the nation in 1996. I suggested that if she sent them to Marbella and Geneva, they could win many a delicately poised legal argument, and inflict humiliation on the infidels. At this she remained strangely reticent.

Your Highness, I find this all very confusing. If it was not for the loving attention of Allama, I don’t think I could cope. 

Your Bhabi prays for health and long life, and prosperity of the Kingdom, and sends her heartiest salama laikum. With your permission and blessings, she has decided to start an NGO, called ‘Ummah Committee against Forced Marriages and Forced Pilgrimage’

 Your most humble brother,

(Hajji) MMN Sharif (PMLN)