Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Dear Readers,

Whenever I hold my pen to write a column, liberal fascists start creating a hue and a cry. They cannot tolerate anyone who speaks for Islam and against usury. Illiterate people such as Pervez Hoodbhuoy, Syed Amir Ali and Malala Yusfuzai have ganged up on me. I have told them to go and shave their upper lip first and grow their beard to at least the length of a fist, before they qualify to speak on Islam and the holy sharia.

The sharia commands us clearly to defend the honour of Islam where ever it is in danger, from Dhaka Central Jail to the Physics Department. These people have no honour. They are traitors to their religion and their country. Our national self esteem is in tatters because of infidels like these who occupy the positions of power in this country. All that stands between Dar us Salam and Syed Amir Ali is Yours Truly. 

If the Indians and Jews had not intervened, Bangladesh would be still with us. They were our brothers. They were gladly being killed in their thousands by our valiant army and being buried in mass graves shouting slogans of unity and brotherly love when the Indian army forcefully separated them from us. That does not mean that there was anything wrong with the Two Nation Theory. The Theory, Allah be praised, is alive and well. Our valiant army is the custodian of the Theory. That is why the Baloch are joining the armed forces to become part of the national mainstream. Apart from a small number who have gone missing without telling their families. They will Inshallah slowly join the mainstream graveyards which have been provided in all Defense Colonies. 

I fully support Chaudhry Nisar Ali who feels for the glory of Islam. Maulana Fazlullah is our misguided brother. If the drone attacks stop, the NATO tankers go via Riga and we shave our upper lips, he will sign up to the Two Nation Theory, the Extended Programme of Immunisation and the percussion only music. 

May Allah protect us from the dictators who sold the country on one telephone call and thereafter privatised the PTCL in a corrupt manner. May Allah provide us with dictators who straightened our qibla and purged the PTV of remnants of the gang of Faiz, leaving only those, faithful to the ideological frontiers of Pakistan such as Azhar Lodhi and Benjamin Sisters. 

Since that fateful day in Khairpur Tamaiwali, when the Father of the Nation, General Mustache ul Haq left met his maker, the Ummah has been bereft. The Ideology of Pakistan has been in doldrums looking for a champion. The TV screens have been filled with shamelessness and depravity. We have stopped being a nation at the cutting edge of jihad and have become worshippers of Kerry Bin Luger and Pakistan Idol. 

Enough, dear readers, is enough. The time has come for Yours Truly to stand on his own hind legs and proclaim war on liberal fascists. No to usury, no to nudity with or without tattoos, no to Syed Amir Ali. 

Forward march to Jerusalem via Khurasan. 

Yours Truly,

Sangsar Abbasi