Letter to Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Abdullah,

The Emir of the Army of the Faithful came to see Yours Truly. Alhamdu Lillah, by the Grace of God we have bombed the hideouts of infidels who hold partners with God and are instrument of infamy and agents of Satan, the Rejected, the Accursed.  

Our Flying Falcons F 16, purchased with freely convertible halal rupees from the pious and devout Lockheed Al-Martin have bombed the enemies of Islam so that they do not deviate from the path of righteousness and fear Allah SWT and the IMF henceforth. 

Jalalat ul Mulk,

As Allah SWT states clearly in His Book and Chaudhry Nisar Ali in his National Security Policy, there is no room for fitna in lands of the Ummah. Whosoever challenges the authority of the Guardian of the State will be eliminated with maximum prejudice, (Your bhabi does not accept. I have told her that she in danger of becoming a mushrik. What she tells me, I cannot repeat). Those who challenge the Prodigal Brother will achieve glory and martyrdom in a police encounter in Sabzazar and in Gujranwala. 

Brother Tinpot is safe in the AFIC. He will have to be indicted by Justice Arab before he can live happily ever after in Jaziratul Arab under the tutelage of Prince Saud Al-Faisal. Your Majesty could send him across the Causeway to bring the heretic population of Bahrain to the straight and narrow. He could bring glory to the Ummah on the Causeway which he failed to do in Kargil. He thirsts for martyrdom, albeit not in the court of law. 

Dear Brother, 

I am afraid that the operation is coming. The Emir of the Army of the Faithful came in civvies but he made no effort to hide the bulge in his jacket. Eventually, he put his service revolver on the table and let Chaudhry Sahib have a long look at it. You will notice that Brother Imran has gone a bit quiet and is no longer trying to lie down in front of a tanker. I think he may have gone to Gujjar Khan for an istikhara. Sister Mazari has also gone a bit quiet. Maybe she has gone to Aabpara for an istikhara. 

O Lord of the Carbon Universe,

Allah has blessed the Kingdom with the Holy Harems and the Oily basins. Allah has blessed the Republic with Houbara bustard and Chinkara deer. They are very keen to be shot by your pious guns. But you have to hurry, as we have already eaten all the Siberian cranes that used to come to Kheenjer. The infidel Indians are diverting our rivers to Rajasthan and our birds to Bharatpur. May Allah SWT protect us from the designs of Yahood and Hanood. 

Please find, Your Majesty, attached to this letter, two Peregrine Falcons, (live), an assortment of houbaras (best eaten immediately after slaughter) and the Noon League Tiger, (stuffed, best not eaten). 

May Allah protect us from the evil eye of WWF and the ISI. 

Your Brother and Your Obedient Servant,

The Humble and Devoted,

Noon.