Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Letter to Brother Abdullah

Your Exalted Highness, the Custodian of the Holy Places and the Protector of the Ummah, please accept greetings from your brother. The Land of the Pure is becoming purer and purer. The forces of moderation are killing the extremists. The extremists are killing the heretics. The heretics are killing the oppressors. The whole exercise is cleansing the society. The nation will emerge purer and fresher. It will hold its head high and be able to walk with dignity among the clean nations of the world.

Dear Brother,

The blood of the Arab has been shed. The blood of the Afghan has been shed. The blood of the Pakhtun has been shed. The rivers of the Punjab are flowing with blood. The blood of the Muslims has been shed by the hands of Muslims. God be praised and may continue to shower blessings on this gifted land.

We have achieved great results in the lovely city of Karachi, rightly known as the Little Pakistan. It is so truly representative of our great country. United are killing the Reals. Both are keen to kill the Pathans, as are the Sindhis. God be praised. We have shown the world what can be achieved even with limited resources, if a nation is devoted single-mindedly to the mass killings of its own people.

Not that we do not have friends among the leading nations of the world. The Kingdom has always been supportive. You have helped us with men and materiel. There are so many of your heroic nationals engaged in efforts of purification in Waziristan, even as we speak. We have also been blessed by the friendship of the greatest nation on the face of the earth, the United States of Remote Control. It is great to see the targets in crosshairs, vanishing in a puff of smoke on Power Point presentations. Very neat and clean. Great for our national ideal of purification and cleansing.

It is true that many of our people have left home and taken refuge in neatly arranged rows of tents. It can be argued that their conditions are unclean. On the other hand their souls have been cleansed of all the polluting influences. There are people who are trying to set up water purification plants. I support their efforts. On the other hand I think that the purification of blood is far more important than the purification of water.

This, of course is being achieved by our valiant armed forces. They are purifying the nation on a daily basis by their meticulously planned operations. It would not be very long before a spanking new cantonment is established in Swat. The whole valley will soon be dotted with refreshing and uplifting golf courses. A new Defence Housing Society will rise out of the ashes of Mingora. Allotments will be strictly on merit, mainly to our brave generals who have burnt the midnight oil in planning the purifications operations in the Land of the Pure.

Long live the Kingdom

Long live Remote Control

Long Live Puristan