Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Noon, 

Salutations to you and your harem. May Allah have mercy on all miskeens and miskeenat in the feudatory lands as long as they pay tribute and keep the deniers of the truth and apostates on a tight leash. 

We are pleased to offer the pure, pious and halal money to alleviate the sufferings in the Republic of Puristan. The Ummah is but one body and we are all part of the same. When Aabpara burps, Kabul is rocked on the Al-Richter scale. When miscreants are insolent towards the Manama Palace, the cost of fuel rises in Lahore.

In case the Causeway is blocked, the Ummah needs to come together to unblock it and fill it with the pious Puristani troops to keep the little kingdom within the fold of Islam. We need to protect it from those who cause impiety, distrust and unrest in the Ummah, and nurture the vicious Tehrani snakes in their bosoms. 

The snake has slithered into Doha where the apostate Al-Jazeera channel is spreading falsehoods against the Ummah and dividing the community of believers. Brother Tamim would be well advised to refrain from inciting Brother Morsi who is safe and sound in the dungeon painstakingly built by the valiant Brother Sisi. (May Allah help him in the elections).

We pray every night for the speedy recovery of Brother Tinpot. We hear that he has a serious blockage in the coronary arteries. We are sure that an injection of Petrodollars will allow the coronary blood and the milk of human kindness to flow and he will soon be on the plane to the Saroor Palace to recover and recuperate and reflect on the bounties that Allah SWT has given us. 

We will be very pleased if Brother Raheel can make it convenient to present himself in our court to pay homage and make a plan on how to kill the snake and protect the Ummah. We are particularly keen that the rule of Satan in Damascus is brought to an end with the help of the Anza III missiles produced in the Al-Kahuta Laboratories. We intend to invite the leader of the Nusra Front, (without his martyrdom vest) for tea. We hope that this will allow us to make a plan for the betterment of the miskeens and miskeenat in Syria and in Puristan. 

The sands are shifting rapidly in Kabul. We are keen that the truth will triumph in Tora wal Bora and the infamy and insolence will be forced to retreat. We want to make it clear to Brother Raheel, once he has kissed our hem and paid obeisance, that we are willing to help. To support the democratic process in Kabul and have a strategically deep president,  alive to the needs of the Ummah, we will help with all the resources of the Kingdom. 

We must all resist the pernicious influence of Tehran and purify the Puristani army so that all the heretics and mushrikeen are purged. 

So help us Allah SWT.

Your Brother Abdulllah,

Jalalatul Mulk

KSA