Extraordinary Rendtion

By: Hakim Hazik

In the name of Allah, SWT, who created the universe which extends all the way to the Amu Darya. Blessed be His name who created the the Afghan jihad, Pak Arab Fertilizer Factory, Wifaq ul Madaris (Arabiyya) and Soft Stretegic Depth. 

Our blessing and salutations to Sipah Salar e Ummat, Field Marshal, Shadow of God, Avatar Pervez Kayani and Jasoos e Millat, Shadow of the Shadow, General Pasha the Lion Heart.

I would like to welcome all those who have braved long distances just because of their unshakable faith in the infallibility of God and the ISI. I would also like to thank both authorities for having faith in us and giving us a chance to bring to their knees the rebellious and arrogant, infidel Americans. I would like to thank the Jassos e Millat and the Governor State Bank, for the freshly printed, inflation resistant rupees that they have showered on this blessed gathering. 

There is no doubt the greatest enemies of the Ummah are the Americans and the media. We will, by the grace of God humiliate them both. Very soon, Barak Obama will come to sit at the feet of Drone ul Ummat, Syed Munawaar Hasan, bringing Raymond Davis behind him in chains and the daughter of nation, daughter in law, of Khalid Shaikh Mohammad, Dr Aafia on a camel. Maulana will give a detailed speech welcoming him into the fold of Islam, till he starts crying and begs for a circumcision instead. God bless all those who follow the path of righteousness. 

All the media anchors will be beheaded starting with Hamid Mir who has uttered blasphemies against the Army of God. He has been clearly warned through untraceable text messages, and rifle bullets through the letter box, not to trifle with sensitive national institutions and the will of God. Such is the punishment of those who spread unrest and disaffection in the land of the faithful. They will be shown no  mercy.

All enemies of the Ummah, especially those who are enamoured of the apostate Shezan drink, beware. We will not let anyone undermine the ideological underpinning of our beverage industry. Apart from the Zam Zam water, only al-Pepsi-ul-Cola will be allowed in the land of the pure. It is a lie that this blessed drink is owned by an infidel Zionist company of New York. It has long since been bought by family of Shaheed Akhtar Abdur Rehman, who are punctilious in adhering to the righteous path of Sharia.   

We will make a cemetery right here in this ground. This will be the greatest graveyard in the Ummah where we will bury all the journalists and in addition all the infamy and impiety that they spread among our youth. We will make an exception of the female anchors. They will enter the harem of the most pious of Ulema, such as yours truly, to bear them faithful and upright progeny who will wage jihad in the path of Allah (SWT), with the help of China (PRC). 

Qari Mohammad Yaqub,

Shahadat ul Alamiya (Aliya)

MA (Pb), JuD, LeT, FTO