Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik 

Sale sale sale....Loot Christmas clearance sale...

Come one come all. Young and old, men and women.  A once in a lifetime opportunity to buy modern weaponry going cheap.

Buy the unrivalled Marine Corps laser aiming device, essential for the serious sniper; or the Kentucky Rehab Industries attack boots, ideal for lightning raids into Nangarhar to slaughter the infidel. Also available, high quality bullet proof vests, suitable for martyrdom operations in the Swat Valley. State of the art, Special Operations Services wireless fitted into the camouflage headgear, will greatly help in co-coordinating attacks on the government installations.

Our commitment to customer satisfaction means that all the items have a one year international warranty. Home delivery is available. (Terms and conditions apply. The delivery schedule may vary with the looting of the NATO convoys.) 

We also sell a large variety of other modern conveniences, including high class toasters, non stick frying pans, gentle on your hair, hair dryers and OB tampons that  you can use with complete confidence.  

Letters of reference can be seen on site, by a number of our satisfied customers, including the Puktunkhwa Police Department, Tehrik e Taliban Pakistan, Uzbek Islamic Movement and Jamat ud Dawa. Our products have been used with equal success at home and abroad, including in Islamabad, Kabul, Kashgar, Grozny and Bombay.  

Please contact one of our highly trained staff to advise you about our new gift voucher scheme. You can now send you near and dear ones, a gift voucher on special occasions, via post, internet or even over a mobile phone connection. This means that you are able to show them your love and affection when it matters most, such as on Eid, Christmas or Diwali.  

At the moment you can only send improvised explosive devices and rocket propelled grenades, although a full range of gifts will be available later. Also the service is currently for Afghanistan and India only, but will soon be extended to Xingjian and Central Asian Republics. We would be happy to explode a roadside device for you on Eid ul Azha, but this may incur a small extra charge. 

We must warn our customers to beware of the unlicensed and fake products, which will not deliver the quality of service, our customers so rightly expect of us. Please be sure to check the US Defence Department monogram, engraved on all products. We also warn those in breach of licensing laws, that if they continue with their violations they will face the full force of tribal justice, which may include beheading.  

We are pleased to inform our customers, that we will be adding a whole new range of products to our showroom in the new year. This will include shoulder fired Blowpipe and Stinger anti gunship missiles, M1A2 Abrams tank and Apache attack helicopters. The weapons of mass destruction will not be available in stock till the middle of the year.  

Please book now to avoid disappointment.  

Afridi Ordnance Ltd.

Jamrud Road

Khyber Agency

(Previously, the Political Agent Office)  

Please also see:

Stingers for sale