Letter from Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Nawaz,

We are in receipt of your worthy epistle. It has brought comfort to our aggrieved heart. May Allah SWT allow us to live and die as Muslims, preferably on martyrdom missions, and raise us as Muslims on the day of judgement preferably in our suicide attire. May God protect us from the Zionists and from the Iranians and the dangers that are incubating in Negev and in Bushehr.

Dear Brother, 

Verily, the Ummah is beset with dangers from all sides. There are Predator drones,  there are Aedes Egypti mosquitos and there are Egyptians. God protect us from all. There are rebellious tweets and there are blasphemous status updates. God protect us from their evil. If the Sheikh was alive, he would pronounce fatwa and let slip the falcons of war who would fall upon the agents of satan, busy spreading bid’aa and shirk in the lands of the faith. 

Bid’aa is worse than shirk. Iranians are worse than the Zionists. 

Dear Brother in Islam, 

You should not be overly concerned about brother Imran. The enemies of the faith can make their little schemes but the Allah SWT can beat them at their own schemes. Providence moves in mysterious ways, much like the Mukhabrat and Brother Pasha. What will come to pass in fifteen months time is in the hands of God and his angels, especially those who wear khaki and worship the one and only true Master of the universe, Brother Pasha.  

O Brother seeking martyrdom,

The heir apparent is no more. He has been enfolded in the benevolence of the Providence. He has gone to see the Maker and has kicked the bucket. There are however enough noble warriors in the blessed progeny of Aal e Saud to accomplish another the sack of Karbala. Your brother will be the first foot soldier in the path of the holy jihad, as soon as the foot recovers from gout and the prostate gland is under control. 

We have crushed the satanic Bahraini uprising under our righteous foot. If brother Obama had not lost his nerve, we would have done the same in Tahrir square and brother Mubarak would still be ensconced in the throne of the Pharaohs. We have nursed Brother Saleh to health with American medicine and Wahabi literature so that he is ready to take on the apostates in San’aa. God be praised. 

I see that Brother Shahbaz is following the same true path. The two sister nations are destined to lead the Ummah. I would advise him to expand his harem and refuse the expansion of schools and hospitals with the tainted, Zionist, Kerry-Luger dollars. He should produce pious progeny, ready to lead the jihad for the supremacy of the faith. Honest and upright sons who marry in secret and make speeches in public to inspire and motivate the Ummah.

O seeker of the truth,

We live in the worst of times. The end of the world is nigh. We must strive to serve the Ummah so that we are presented to the final Arbiter, our faces glow with the triumphant light of the Faith. 

Your Brother in Islam,

Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz

Jalatul Mulk