Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Peace be on those how follow the true path.

Dear Malala,

I am sorry I could not write to you earlier. I was spending some quality time with my herd of chaste and virtuous goats in Waziristan, after the heroic capture of Bannu prison. I was shocked and saddened by the attack on left side of the skull. Contrary to what Qazi Sahib’s daughter says, we all know that it was not on the right side. She cannot tell her right elbow from her left. Silly cow. Let us not get into an argument about that. Let us leave that to Allah. He is the best judge.

The Taliban did not attack you because you wanted to go to school. There are thousands of girls who went to school in Swat, after the Taliban took over. They attacked you because you are not a goat. 

As a fellow Yusufzai, I want to warn  you about Lord Macaulay. He has been seen lurking in Tehsil Matta and near the Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Critical Care Department. He is not the kind of company that  little girls should keep. Keep away from him and also from Ban Ki Moon. Tell him to mind his own moon. 

And that fellow Henry Kissinger. He may be down but he is not out. He is out to reduce the goat population of the world by eighty per cent through eugenics and polio vaccination. The mighty Taliban will resist his vile attempts by pen and by sword. Lord Macaulay is known to work for Jews like him. Both of them have been involved in false propaganda conducted by RAW and Mr Mani and Mr Verma. May Allah protect us from Bhagwan. 

Dear Yusufzai sister,

I have thought long and hard about the affairs of the world since Jhanda Chichi. I have come to the conclusion that Bertrand Russell was right. He said that the tongue is mightier than pen. May Allah SWT bless his soul. My herd of goats agrees wholeheartedly. They are keen followers of Russell on Twitter. In a global world, we need prophetic vision. 

Ms. Qazi should also take note. If  her daddy ji survived the martyr attack, it does not mean that she can be complacent. The electoral democracy, earthly constitutions and the rule of Islamabad are sins and against tenets of Islam. We will continue our jihad and Inshallah, Brother Fazlullah will have the last laugh. He will ride again on famous white steed and daddy in law will be the Chief Justice to pass down beheadings in a fair and impartial manner. Islam is a religion of peace. 

And I am a bit disappointed that you did not talk about drones. No no, not Syed Munawwar Hasan but the kind that are controlled from Tampa. (Syed Sahib is controlled from Langley). If you did, the whole world would know that the drones have killed three hundred innocent women and children. The TTP have killed only forty thousand and not one single goat. 

Let Allah be the judge.

Adnan Rashid

TTP