Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The Pink Panther has struck again. It is no other than the inimitable Mrs Shirin Mazari who is known throughout the Ummah for her patriotism, personal warmth and sunnah compliant beard. She has become renowned for some spectacular achievements including the exposure of the infamous Kerry Luger Bill which almost brought the country to its knees by trying to make our valiant army subservient to the corrupt and weak kneed civilian leadership.

The eyes of the nation are fixed on her to try and rescue the country from the accursed NATO traffic. Some self-styled political pundits have accused her of being a NATO container herself, working under cover. There are shrill demands that she should be outed.  We think this is just  malicious propaganda of antinational forces, and the liberal mafia, with no basis in reality.  In fact, there is evidence that these fifth columnists are working for New Khan Goods Transport and Forwarding Agency and against the ideology of Pakistan. 

Mr Brenner has been found to be foaming at the mouth in Langley. He has long been known to suffer from apoplexy and it may have nothing to do with the station chief. It is the considered view of Imran Khan that apoplexy can be cured through national dialogue. Polio can also be cured through national dialogue. PTI teams are having talks with the polio virus and have condemned the war against polio which is not our war. Drone attacks and the Salk vaccine are a clear breach of our sovereignty and  in complete violation of the international law. Hangu is the greatest tragedy in our history, after the fall of Dhaka and the rise of Shaikh Rashid.

This war has caused irreparable damage to the economy of KPK. No investors are coming in. By the grace of God, due to the unstinting efforts of the provincial government, the economy is picking up. We have become self sufficient in all indigenous viruses. We have recently exported our world class, highly regarded polio virus to China. That shows what a dedicated and capable leadership can achieve even in adverse circumstances. It is thought that very soon our polio exports will surpass our dengue exports. Allah be praised.

We agree with Mrs. Mazari that the station chief should be drummed out of the embassy and water boarded according to the well established rules of Geneva Convention. He should be invited to enter the fold of Islam in the spirit of magnanimity and tolerance. He should be asked to identify the pilots of the un-piloted drones. If he is cynical enough not  to comply, his fate should be decided according to the Omar Law (as practised in Sweden). This would involve eighty lashes of flogging, administered personally by Mrs. Mazari at her residence in Bani Gala. (All floggings are strictly by appointment only, leather gear and cameras by invitation; there may be an extra charge for accessories.)

Every day in every way, PTI is getting better and better.