Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik 

Do you think I am writing to you from Inside Bhati Gate? No sir ji. I am writing to you from the Big Apple. You think Shriek Chairman is the Big Apple? Wrang again, although the Shriek Chairman is big leader and the apple of my eyes.  

I am in Noo Yarak. This is the head affice of the UNO. Great world leaders are asked to dress the Journal Sembly From tam to tam. My tam has come. The Shriek Chairman has asked me to dress the Journal Sembly.  

I met this Cheeni man yesterday. He shook my hand and said Ban Ki-Moon, Secty Journal. I said oye, Bhain Ki-Moon yourself. I don’t take insults from farners, even if they are Cheeni brothers like you. Also as far as I am concerned, I am the secty journal. He said pologies, misunderstanding. I am Korean not Chinese. I said OK, no mansion, same to same, as I say to the Shriek Chairman; although to him I say, no mansion in Surrey. 

UNO needs to investigate the murder of Sheed Mohtarma. No,no, not Mohtarma Fatima Jinnah. She was killed by the fauj. We can’t fight the fauj. You would ask why not Sheed Chairman Bhutto? You see, he was killed by the fauj and the judiciary. We can’t fight the fauj and we can’t fight the judiciary, but we can buy the judiciary. In fact the price of judges is going down faster than the price of oil. One barrel may soon hit the 21 dollar mark, but justuce Dogar has already hit the 21 mark. Pakistan Peepal Paty and Shriek Chairman do not think there is any difference in a barrel of oil and a supreme coat judge. We will offer the cheapest rate in the national interest.  

But fust we must solve the Sheed Mohtarma murder mistri. Mistri Mhamd Hsain, from Inside Bhati Gate says, there is no mistri. Sheed Mohtarma was killed by Khana Kaaba Mehsood from Waziristan. Although naoo, it should be called Dronistan as most of the Wazir there have been killed by the drones. There are more Wazirs in Slamabad naoo than in Waziristan. At least 60 that I know of, in the federal cabinet. I think Slamabad should be renamed Waziristan.  

Palease look at the draft of my sapeach:

Dear presidents and prime ministers, laddies and gentlemen, palease fust of all saloot this picture of Shriek Chairman. He put his life and bank counts at risk by undertaking to restore damo cracy in Pakistan. He worked closely with the international communety. Mr. Dick Cheeni put it in his ear, that if he worked for samooth transition to damo cracy, his bank counts would be safe. Shriek Chairman replied with his usual frankness, ‘No problem sir ji.’ Mr. Boucher has also helped a lot. He has done more air miles than Mrs. Lazeeza Rice and Amercan drones put together. 

Peepal are naoo empowered. They have taken their destiny and their guns in their own hands. The director of USAID was shot in Peshawar last month. In Karachi, 50 peepal have been gunned down to demonstrate peepal’s power. Damo cracy is suppredding rapidly in several countries, as we are making several countries out of our own country. 

We thank the international communety for samooth transition to damo cracy. 

Long live samooth transition.