Extraordinary Rendition
By: Hakim Hazik
The winters in Peshawar can be quite chilly. If you consider the frequent power and gas outages, the good citizens of Peshawar had a particularly harsh winter this year. It could have been worse if it was not due to a group of highly public spirited individuals, who were blessed with courage, determination, a sense of purpose, kerosene oil and a box of matches, and set the NATO convoy on fire.
The civil and military authorities were quite taken by this thoughtful gesture and facilitated the venture by sending all the guards on extended leave for Bakra Eid. There was one decrepit guard, who created a bit of a wheeze, but was persuaded to desist from interfering, with the help of a bullet in the head.
Have you ever warmed your self in the gentle glow of a burning humvee? Beats any sun drenched beach I know of. It does cost a fair bit: a hundred thousand dollars of tax payer’s money. It is the American tax payer though and therefore this is a great form of renewable energy.
If you go down the Kabul river and up the Swat river, you come to this emerald green Swat Valley. The good citizens of Swat are not happy with any half measures. They have chalked out a comprehensive energy policy. They decided upon the common sense solution of increasing public savings, by first of all excising the government blubber. This was rapidly achieved by burning to ground 200 girls’ schools. Millions of rupees of public money were thus saved with one master stroke.
The army, of course is busy wiping out the pockets of militant resistance. The militants on the other hand are busy wiping out the pockets of army’s resistance. Both are busy wiping out the civilian resistance. In the process all the Buddhist artefacts that have blighted the landscape for millennia have been completely wiped out. Once the smell of dynamite has subsided, the valley will have been cleansed of all living things and would return to being what it was at the beginning of time. This is called sustainable development.
Punjab adds vibrant colour to the national tapestry. Its dynamic business friendly government is working day and night to help its citizens. Multinational and local companies are setting up bottling plants for drinking water. It is a great way to improve public health and generate employment at the same time. Meanwhile, the tap water containing tadpoles can be used to improve the health of your mother in law. The department of health is working to find a market solution for those who can not afford to buy bottled water. A cholera epidemic is planned in near future.
This is good governance. You can buy good governance at affordable rates. You can buy private education, you can buy private security, and you can buy private health care. You can also buy the police and the judges. You can hire syndicate killers. You can have police encounters at a competitive price.
Would you like a police encounter at a special discount?
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