By: Hakim Hazik

It is time that Admiral Mullen realized that God is on our side. To go against the will of God will cause global warming, a nuclear holocaust and quite possibly a double dip recession. The will of God is not to go into North Waziristan. North Waziristan is the promised land where the Son of Man will land to slay the beast and to start the Millennium. We must wait for the opportune time and not be provoked into precipitate action just because there is an election every four years. 

In fact we should sit down and think of a better way run the government.  One way that has been perfected by the Armed Forces Institute of Soft Strategic Depth, is to train an army of volunteers who are happy to go out in the community and go up in flames on special occasions, such as the Defense Day. These highly motivated people care only for the word of God and an opportunity to slice the infidel throats. Man does not live by bread alone, but whatever issued forth from the mouth of General Pasha.

The entire business of the war in Afghanistan is fundamentally flawed. We need to change  the whole paradigm. The war can not be won by men in uniforms with headgear linked to the satellites. It can only be won by pubescent boys in shalwar qameez who can keep their head down, as they pull the suicide trigger. The flower of our youth, trained to the highest standards in Akora Khatak are poised to take over the world leadership, as academicians in Fort Lauderdale eat dust.

Nation building is important, but it can not happen in a vacuum. You have to have a tradition and the necessary motivation and infrastructure. You can start by killing the journalists, especially if they violate the terms of the payroll. Public beatings of village elders is highly effective.  Our recommendation would be to avoid the morass of Guantanamo and to line them up and shoot them in rarefied air of the upper Swat Valley. 

Ever since the early days of Pakistan, we have overcome impossible odds and saved the nation on every occasion it needed to be saved, especially from itself. We brought down the evil Russian Empire and  defeated communism in Kabul and in Sohrab Goth which is now a haven of peace, as Karachi is an island of stability in a troubled region. Very soon it will surpass Mugadeshu in being the freest city on earth. 

We are faced with tremendous challenges in our neighbourhood, especially in Islamabad. People are already talking about elections to the Senate and the parliament completing its term. This poses a grave threat to our fundamental national values and the legitimate aspirations of the officer class. I have made an executive decision to activate the special-ops unit, loved and admired by the masses as the Angel’s unit and our answer to the Navy Seals. Their services will be available to the NADRA with immediate effect.

Once we achieve the Unity of Command, the blood of our martyrs will not have been shed in vain. 

Field Marshall AP Kayani

Member, (Ex Offcio)

Quetta Shura,

Chief of the Army Staff