Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The caged lion, Mian Sher,  is no more. It breathed its last in the world famous Ghora University Hospital and Medical Centre. The hospital director, Dr Guldar Ahmed, said the late Mian Sher was brought to the hospital in a state of shock, brought on by a heat stroke. Talking to the newsmen gathered in the hospital, the spokesman for the Movement of the Islamic Sher, Mr. Bakri Saeed Kirmani has said that it is now incumbent upon us to continue the mission of the departed leader and to get the nation to a status it deserves among the comity of the caged animals.

Mian Sher was born in the Karakoram town of Gulmit. From the very childhood he was interested in improving the lot of the hunting animals of Pakistan and Federally Administered Northern Areas.  He went to school in Dar ul Uloom Haqqania in Akora Khatak where he learnt the arts and crafts of politics and underwent the compulsory  military training, specializing in the used of RPGs and automatic assault rifles. He received the Shahada Alamiyya approved by the Wifaq ul Madaris with special interest in martyrdom missions. 

It was at this time that he came into contact with the great civil and military leader of the twentieth century, the scion of the famous Slave Dynasty, General Slave Jilani Khan who took him under his tutelage and allowed him to rise rapidly in the echelons of power. He also came across another of the proteges of the General, Mian Naraz Sharif, and the two embarked upon a truly enduring partnership that only ended yesterday at that unfortunate moment in Ghora Hospital. 

Mian Sher was very much the dominant partner in this political alliance. He devised the strategy of Mian Naraz’s rise to power. He insisted on being present in all the political rallies that Naraz would address, exulting at the grooming and maturing of his friend from the comfort of his cage. He would watch him address the adoring masses with words of wisdom lovingly crafted by a panel of paid journalists, headed by Irfan Siddiqui. 

This friendship was doubly blessed, by both General Slave Jilani and the great poet and philosopher of the east, Abbaji Sharif. It was Abbaji Sharif who set the ball rolling by hitting upon the revolutionary idea that every politician has a price, on average the price of a BMW 4 series. He saw his two wards thrive and flourish in the salubrious surroundings of Changa Manga and Nathiagali where they perfected the art of spending wholesome, halal money to bring about a people’s revolution. 

There was a brief interregnum when this partnership was severely tested. This happened when General Tinpot staged and illegal coup and deposed the government of Mian Sher who hand enjoyed an over whelming majority in the legislature, freely elected by the angels of God. Whereas Mian Naraz fled to the Holy Peninsula, Sher remained steadfast and thus ended up in Attock prison and was only propitiated with large amounts of Mehran Bank money. He did however, welcomed with open arms, the return of the Mian with his pocket comb.

The tide of time swept away General Tinpot who is now paying for his misdeeds. The roar of Mian Sher will no longer be heard. May he rest in everlasting peace and may his message spread across the land from Karakoram to Sir Creek and from Jeddah to Rawind.