Extraordinary Rendition
By: Hakim Hazik
A bird flying over Peshawar sees rivers of blood. A bird flying over Lahore sees the marvelous engineering works which changed the way ordinary people live and work and carry out their daily activities and bombing of public places.
The bird, if it was attentive, would also hear the historic pronouncements of Brother Ehsan Ullah Ehsan who has quoted Rousseau, Kant and Bentham. This shows that he is a great and profound scholar and considers the welfare of humanity his foremost priority. In his infinite wisdom, he has decided that the lives of those who follow the straight and narrow path prescribed by Ansar Abbasi, should be spared.
On the other hand the TTP should focus its noble energies on the lands west of the Indus, where secularism is spreading its tentacles and people openly advocate girls’ education and have been ensnared in the vicious doctrine emanating from the infernal French Revolution.
In the Punjab, however, my government has strived over five years to espouse the ideology of Islam. We have developed the sasti roti scheme and the sasti ideology scheme. We started the yellow cab scheme and the yellow journalism scheme.
If we are re-elected, we will build a motorway to every village and send a suicide bomber to every marathon. We will fill the stadiums with young people and make world records in singing hymns to the sagacity and wisdom of Brother Ehsan, as long he does not attack us.
We will build Danish schools where the curriculum will be designed exclusively by the educationist and philosopher of Islam, Brother Ansar Abbasi. The distinguished students will get a frontal lobotomy at the government expense before they are sent to the Boston Marathon with a back pack personally put together by Maulana Abdul Aziz.
We are the harbingers of change, not the jumped up cricketers with paltry achievements who make hollow promises which they can never deliver on. We have a track record. We have defended the country against mortal threats such as the Kerry-Luger Bill, isosorbide mono nitrate and Asghar Khan. We have eaten and digested the Hudabiya Paper Mills and issued a sharia compliant burp. It is now purely an internal matter and part of the body politic (of me).
We have not defaulted on any loans. All the loans were written off by a legally constituted process. The loan to Bhai Jan from Brother OBL was given at a time of temporary cash flow problems. This was a gesture of brotherly love to wipe out the un-Islamic rule of a female, beholden to infidel ideology. This was done in an open and transparent manner in the idyllic and pious surroundings of Changa Manga. May Allah bless the watery grave of the Brother and spread his message from Tora Bora to the Arabian Sea.
On the 11th of May I would like all the right thinking individuals to come out in their green turbans and their martyrdom vests; in their black burqas and wielding their righteous sticks, to return your brother to power with a heavy mandate, so that Bhai Jan can become the Amir ul Momineen and your brother, a rightly guided caliph.
Dekho dekho sher aya,
MMS Sharif
PML (N)