By: Hakim Hazik

As we set off on this epochal journey, as we made a tryst with destiny, we made a promise   to Ummah, that we will never touch aloo gosht. As we know and the whole Ummah knows, that aloo gosht is against the Two Nation Theory. We would never have thought that this dark moment will come to pass when Nawaz Sharif will descend to these depths of crassness and depravity, that he will not only eulogize aloo gosht but ghia gosht as well! 

He has betrayed the blood of the martyrs. Ummah is in a state of shock, the Father of the Nation, General Mohammad Zia ul Haq is turning in his grave as he gnashes his (lower and the only remaining) jaw. Pakistan’s ideological frontiers have been violated. 

We demand that Nawaz Sharif, along with Imtiaz Alam are tried for high treason, by the newly independent judiciary headed by the Chief Justice, Her Ladyship, Syedah Meher Bukhari, the custodian of our ideology and the shadow of God on Earth. We also demand that the Drone ul Ummat, Maulana Thunderbird of Karachi plays his part and organizes a lynch mob that can tear these offenders from limb to limb in the enduring and abiding traditions of the Ummah.  

The only relations that the Ummah can have with the infidels is based on the eating of beef. As long as are we are determined to eat what they worship, the Two Nation Theory is safe and we can flourish in this world and the next. Meanwhile, our enemies, who are opposed to beef, run after petty growth rates and delude themselves with dollars in billions which are paltry as compared to the rewards that await us in heavens, once we have tasted martyrdom by slitting our own throats. 

We also demand Her Ladyship to mete out an exemplary punishment to Nawaz Sharif for the blasphemy he has committed against the F16 aircraft. As we all know, these wonderful machines are the lifeblood of the Ummah. To compare them with MIG 27s is scurrilous and blasphemous. We demand that Nawaz Sharif, along with Asiya Bibi face the full force of the blasphemy law, as they both have imperiled our fundamental ideology. 

To talk of trade, when we are preparing for the final battle is shockingly insensitive. We do not need motorways and Tata lorries whizzing to Tashkent with Nano cars. What we need is trooping the colour at Wahga, as we buy sophisticated artillery pieces and main battle tanks from Ukraine with the help of the IMF tranches and Coalition Support Funds. (As soon as un-freezed). No lorries are going to Tashkent. We are going to Delhi in Al-Khalid Main Battle Tank to break the jaws of the infidels. (Book now to avoid disappointment, concessions for students, senior citizens and Maria B)

Syed Mohammad Zaid Zaman Hamid,

Director General and Supreme Commander,

Ghazwa e Hind Inc. 

Aabpara East