Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Indictment

General David Howell Petreaus,

You are accused of having an unlawful affair in violation of the terms of your employment, and the prestige of your office. You are accused of giving unprecedented access to the General Atomics MQ 1 Predator, also known as Paula Broadwell. You are accused of having in your annex two Libyan prisoners and an unauthorized piece of dangerous armament called Gill Kelly. Because of these indiscretions, your private parts, national security  and the world peace has been put at risk.

You are required to answer, as the chief of the most prestigious spy agency in the world, your role in failing to protect the ambassador. No, don’t be daft; not ambassador Stevens in Ben Ghazi but Ambassador Haqqani in Washington. It is alleged that you failed to fulfill your assignments because of your involvement in other matters and in gross dereliction of duty.  

If you had an iota of sense, you would have taken a leaf from the book of the indomitable General Pasha and consulted the benevolent and sagacious HRH Sheikh Abdullah Bin Saud, the King of the Holy Peninsula to try and bring peace and harmony to the centre of corruption and fascism. No, wrong again. Not Islamabad; we are talking of Washington. 

It was left to this court to be vigilant and pursue its international duties with vigour and with determination to protect ambassador Haqqani and put him beyond risk. The court prides itself of having acquitted itself with distinction and with valour, no thanks to you. 

You could also have tapped into the considerable sums of money flowing from the holy kingdom via honorable banking channels to fund the righteous and honest individuals in the world politics. This was a path emblazoned by General Pasha. Alas that was not to be and the poor General Pasha was left alone to carry this burden. 

Killing people by remote control, while sitting in an office is an act of cowardice and against the international norms. All who want to uphold righteousness should stop the convoys, identify the culprits and execute them by the roadside while recording the video footage. This can be posted the You Tube (as soon it is unblocked) for the neutral international observers to see and comment upon. Your agency has been seen wanting in this respect. One could make a recommendation for you to attend the corrective school run by the amicus curiae, Malik Ishaq, Barrister at Law. 

The court has taken into consideration the fact that you have not applied for a three year extension, in spite of the fact that the nation is facing a defining moment in its history and is in the middle of a war. The court is also apprised of the concerns regarding your personal safety in Washington, as dangerous elements may be lurking in the shadows and may include Mrs Petraeus. The court would therefore facilitate your transfer to Dubai where you can join General Tinpot and General Pasha in whom you may find kindred spirits. 

Do you General Petreaus plead guilty or not guilty?