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Allama Flash Gordon, Saviour Of The Universe

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik 

The Sheikh of Delusion and Lord of Gibberish, Saviour of the Universe, Allama Mohtaram will now address the nation: 

Demons are every where. They can hide in the bowels of earth and they lurk in the darkest recesses of hell. Sometimes they ride openly on the airwaves. Mushtaq Manhoos and Nusrat Blade are the spawn of devil and enemies of God. They faithful should shun all contact with them.  

As you know, I have frequent dreams. This is the way that the Cosmic Powers communicate with me. They have been in touch lately. They have appointed me the vice-regent of God on earth and the vice chancellor of the Teenage Mutant Ninja University, where young Ninjas will learn advanced skills of mumbo jumbo, and go forth in life to become high flyers in the world of intellectual fruitcakes.  

Space ships carrying luminaries from the far reaches of Universe will soon be landing at the University, with only a brief stopover at the Choongi Amar Sadhu, from where no: 21 wagon will also provide a shuttle service for the delegates. This is the first step in the establishment of the world government. There will be special seminars on the theory and practice of mass hysteria, evidence based megalomania and judicious use of narcotics to strengthen faith.  

A special workshop is planned on advanced techniques to overcome body odour, when wearing a suicide belt. At the end there will be a special crying session under my supervision. The blessed delegates who have the good fortune to die crying, will be given an honorary degree in mumbo jumbo, 1st class. 

We condemn the world view and methods of Osama Bin Laden. He is a preacher of intolerance and hatred and will lead the world to death and destruction.  We teach peace and tolerance and will also lead the world to death and destruction. But our path is quicker and every body will die with a smile on the face. 

We believe in interfaith dialogue, but we believe that we have found the true path. There is only one true path, glimmers of which have been seen by reformers who have come before us. These include, Jim Jones, Bhagwan Rajneesh and Shoko Asahara.  

People like Nusrat Blade should know better than to cast slurs on the chosen of God, like myself. Has he not seen my cap that was given to me by the Grand Mufti of Palestine? Has he not seen the cape that was given to my by Superman? That means that I can wear this cape and fly to Libya and back in 30 seconds. And don’t forget my defence of the Faith in strongholds of infidels such as Norway, where I laid low the Nazarene, Peterson, so that he ran away and became a goat. I am sure Mr Blade will also become a goat in near future. 

Ha Bakri

Also see: The Star (Toronto) report here, Dr Raheeq statement here. here

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