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In The Beginning There Was The Gun

Extraordinary Rendition III

There came unto the Land of the Pure a messiah. He had been to the lands of the earth and had seen much barbarity and infamy. He had seen young men digging their own graves in Srebrenica; he had seen bones bleached in the desert sun in Dasht-e-Laili; he had seen children turn to fluorescent goo in Falluja; he had seen nubile bodies hacked to pieces in Godhra; he had seen carbonised kids in Qana. Verily he was distraught. 

He landed at Puristan International Airport and checked into the Marriot. He took two Diazepam and went to bed. He woke up the next morning and spake thus:  

‘In the beginning there was the Gun.  

‘The Gun created the army, the navy and the air force. The army had Generals, who thrived and flourished and became plenty in the Land of the Pure.  

‘Among the nations of the earth the army was created in defence of the land. In this nation, the land was created for the army to build Defence Housing. In other lands the army was created so that the citizens have no fear. In the Land of the Pure the citizens were created, so that the army has no fear, when it sold them to others. In other lands army was created to ensure the rule of law. In the Land of the Pure army rule was the law. Nowhere in the world except in the Land of Zion and Land of the Pure, are fireballs hurled from the sky to kill civilians. Nowhere in the world except in these two lands, houses of citizens are dynamited and bulldozed to punish them. Nowhere in the world except in these two lands indigenous people are dispossessed and driven out and their lands colonised in the name of progress. All this is done in both lands with the sanction of the United States of Total Freedom.  

‘It was said to you that the meek will inherit the earth and the poor will enter the kingdom of heaven. But I say unto thee, that the poor will perish and the meek will be obliterated. Those who thirst for righteousness will cease to exist. Those who are not moderate will be liquidated with extreme prejudice. Those who are not enlightened will be blinded without mercy.  

‘I say unto thee, and I speak with an authority far greater than I, that those who do not speak English, or who speak it with the wrong accent have no right to live. They will be hunted down and destroyed; as will be those who put tufts of attar in their ears, put mustard oil in their hair and kohl in their eyes, use tree bark to clean their teeth and do not have indoor toilets. They will all be wiped out.  

‘Those who are enlightened, rejoice, because yours is the kingdom of heaven and joys of civilisation. You will have jam on toast, Sunday morning newspapers, dental floss, flexible rate mortgages, morning after pill and pelvic inflammatory disease.’ 

After this he broke organic bread with his disciples and told them that one of them would betray him. All of them protested their innocence including Abdul Hamid, who said ‘Surely not I Sir Ji?’ And he was told, yes it would be him. At this point the Marriot was stormed by the commando units, who took the Messiah to the Adyala jail, and crucified him in the name of the PCO. But his word spread in the masses and they found greatest comfort in his words. Centres which preached his ideals such as Lubyanka, Gunatanamo, Adyala and Tihar became great icons of civilisation and the world gradually came to be dominated by the United States of Total Freedom.



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