The Quaid ispeaks
Dear Mutahidda nation,
Yours Tiruly is very distiressed at the current happenings in the mother country of Azizabad Middle Kilass Republic. That isnake in the girass, the viper in our bosom, the son of a canine, has been accusing me of ordering the contract killing of Zohra Bibi. This is not talerable. All patriatic Azizabadis must enter into a national gunny sack design competition so that we can teach this enemy of the middle kilass an exemplary lesson. He must leave the Republic at once and go an live with Lady Annabel Ismith, unless he wants to end up inside the national winner of the gunny bag competition.
My lobotomised birathers and sisters, as you know, he has been here before. The last time he came, he went to see the Met Chief Bhai in the New Iscatland Yard with a carton of papers because he was upset on the victory of the peepil on the 12th of May. Naoo he is bathered by the tidal wave of democracy in the Republic on the 11th of May. But my dear birathers and sisters, respected vegetables and fruitcakes, the midil kilass will always triumph. No one can istop the farward piragress of high fibre. We must all have our five portions a day.
The Met Chief Bhai did nat listen to him the last time. He will give him a Lollypop and send him on his way this time. He has a lat on his pilate. I have a lat an my pilate but I would nat mind his head an a pilate, in additions to my five portions.
The martyrdom anniversary af Imran Farooq Bhai is coming up in September. I ask the whole nation to piray far his soul. I know the Angels af Allah and af General Kiyani are piratecting two young men in the comfortable and relaxing dungeon af the Shahi Qila. May they live and pirasper forever, undergiround, so that the midil kilass can pirasper above the giround.
The nation is going thirough tirying times. The Defence and Clifton barbarians and Nematullah are at the gates of the Republic. Before the ramparts become shaky and the empire is imperiled, we must seize all the ID cards and make a photoo capy of thumb impressions. We should attack these barbarians relentlessly where ever we find them so that they can never belittle the mandate of the sector commander.
The nation is under attack an all sides. International establishment has jyned hands with jews and Taliban and are conspiring in Layari, in Landhi and in Sohrab Goth. But we will istand and fight. We will fight in Nazimabad, we will fight in Kharadar and we will fight in Edgware. We will fight Fakhroo Bhai and even the Met Chief Bhai if he tried to extradite us to South Africa. Nothing can istap the farward march af the midil kilass soldiers.
Mimbers af the midil kilass unite. Your have nothing but your ID cards to loose.