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Islamic Republic of Inglistan

Letter to Brother Abdullah


By: Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother,

Please accept our greetings for the festive season from the holy land of South Hall. This is a bastion of the Ummah and a safe haven for the faithful in the Increasingly Islamic Republic of Inglistan. I would urge you your majesty to break your auspicious journey at Lahore Karahi, when you next travel to the blessed land of Marbella.

Your Majesty,

I and your bhabi are lucky to have the good fortune to nourish our bodies and our souls in this sacred establishment, where everyone comes to worship culinary excellence and partake of the blessed food especially prepared for the faithful. We praise the Lord whose gifts to us mortals are limitless and who sustains us in this land of bounty.

Moreover, Your Majesty, it only a short ride in a BMW, from your brother’s humble Park Lane abode. Therefore, there is no limit to the blessings, the calories and extra chins that I and your bhabi can accumulate during our sojourn here.

The Arch Bishop of Canterbury has decreed that the law of Sharia be implemented in these wonderful islands. Therefore Inglistan will become a part of the Ummah and of Dar ul Islam. We share our delight with our brethren on this happy news. Already the luminaries of the Ummah such as Mohammad Naeem Noor Khan and Rashid Rauf Shaheed have lived and gained support and comfort from this righteous and faithful city.

Your Exalted Highness,

You may have heard of the circumstances that have befallen brother AZ. The Almighty has spoken. The verdict has been given. Those who had authority are being stopped at the airports. Those who were mighty are being humbled. The palace has become a prison. The providence moves in mysterious ways. Those who have insight will learn from the divine will. Those, whose eyes and ears are sealed will not heed to the call to faith.

Yours truly has decided not to become a part of this maelstrom and pause for a while so that I can see with my own sinful eyes, the  elevated angels descend from the heavens in green tunics and cook sir payas on gentle heat.

This will allow the Ummah to forget Changa Manga, horse trading, Hudabiya Paper Mills, invasions of supreme court, sacking of Jang newspaper, abduction of journalists, and  being the lapdog of Zia ul Haq.

This will allow the Ummah to concentrate single-mindedly on the Swiss bank accounts, SGS Cotecna, Augusta submarines, Surrey Palace and properties in Marbella, Manhattan and Florida.  The Islamic Republic is faced with a grave crisis, brought about by a ganging up of infidels of east and west. Singularity of purpose and focus are therefore important.

May God visit his wrath on infidel agents such as Osama Bin Laden who with the help of Zionist, Hindu and Neo-con lobby is financing the terrorists and have stopped financing your brother without notice and without excuse.

We pray for your health and ever increasing prosperity.

Merry Christmas to Your Majesty and the whole of Ummah,

Your Brother,


Islamic Republic of Southall


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