By: Hakim Hazik
O people of the Ummah, those who have kept faith, rejoice. The Ghazi has struck again; this time not in Mozang Chungi but in Highland Ranch, Colorado. The battle between Islam and the infidels is eternal and the conflict between good and evil is everlasting. Our enemies are always on the lookout to pounce whenever there is an opportunity. The defenders of the Faith have to be vigilant, as was the Ghazi in the Einstein Bagels car park, (Darn good bagels), as much as he was on the bright January day in front of Bahsir Darul Mahi, (Fish that transforms your love life).
The State Department heaved a sigh of relief, as the most high profile American diplomat in recent years was released on bail, after posting a $1,750, Sharia compliant bond. This came about only after the President went on the TV and issued and ultimatum to the Sate of Colorado and to the Douglas County Sheriff to honour the diplomatic immunity enjoyed by the Ghazi, under the Vienna Convention. Otherwise, the State of Colorado may imperil its own existence at the hands of General Bernanke and the whole package of Quantitative Easing into the bargain.
There are unconfirmed reports that an unspecified amount of blood money has been paid to the Mr Maes via the office of the District Attorney. However, the secretary of State has said in a statement that the United States Government has not had any direct dealings with Mr Maes; fanning the rumours that a third country, most likely Saudi Arabia, is involved and that the Ghazi has been whisked away to DC, by the ISI. There, unlike Colorado, he can carry a gun and continue to earn an honest living.
Among other news, Ghazi Mumtaz Qadri has been awarded the good news that he has yearned for all these months whilst he has been worshipping the One True God in the Attock Jail. He is to be hanged for the everlasting glory of the Blasphemy Laws.
Ghazi Ansar Abbasi has singularly failed to share the ecstasy of the faithful on the prospect of this martyrdom. He thinks that it is the State which should be hanged and that Ghazi Mumtaz is just a dejected citizen who took the only course open to a responsible dejected citizen. We propose that all the dejected citizens should pump 27 bullets into the nearest available non-dejected citizens to restore the balance of fairness and legal redress.
At the order of the Almighty God and the All Powerful Servitor General, Khawaja Sahib will defend Ghazi Mumtaz in the High Court. He will argue that Islam is a religion of peace and peace can only prevail when all the Christian women are dead, all the Ahmedi students have been expelled, all the Hazaras have emigrated and when all the Americans have gone home.
It is only then that the renaissance of Islam will be complete. Ghazi Mumtaz, the standard bearer of Khurasan and Ghazi Raymond, carrying the flag of Douglas County will rendezvous near Jamia Suicidia in Damascus, slay the beast and usher in the Millennium.
O people of the Ummah, rejoice.