Extraordinary Rendition
By Hakim Hazik
Senator Goldfinger: Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, you will have noticed that we have called this meeting a communiqué, and not a declaration and that it is taking place in Islamabad and not in Bhurban. Thank you for being such imbeciles to turn up again and be prepared to lap up the organic waste, which we have taken great pains to put together for you.
We also thank the Almighty for creating such marvellous things as adult franchise, female prime ministers, and legally binding wills and testaments. If it was not for such blessings we would not be here today.
Mian Ironside: I would also like to offer my thanks to the Almighty God for providing nehari in Lohari Gate, Kebabs in D-Block, Harisa in Gualmandi and Nirala on Jail Road. If it was not because of these provisions, I would not be here today.
Senator Goldfinger:
Ladies and Gentlemen,
The people of Pakistan gave their verdict on 18th of February. Informed voters that they are, they declared in a stentorian voice, that they do not give two hoots, if their leaders steal from them, squirrel away their billions abroad and keep them forever.
They don’t much care, for the militants either. For all they care, they can take their RDX and stuff it up their nasal passages, provided they have been cleared of snuff first.
But since that date brothers and sisters, General Tinpot, who is full of bovine refuse, is trying to undermine democracy. Therefore it has been decided, that over the next two weeks, you will see dramatic events unfold in the Government. The General will be made safe for polite company, including women and children.
Mian Ironside: This will be achieved through a surgical operation on his endocrine glands. The famous surgeon Prof. Rehman Malik , FRCS, will do the operation. Prof. Malik has tried this technique earlier on Gen Kayani’s endocrines, using his much practised rear approach. However, as it turned out, this general had a skin condition which converts his skin into body armour and makes surgical incisions quite difficult.
It would have been necessary to divert precious national resources to fund this ground breaking surgery, which would be difficult in these days of financial constraints. Therefore, this operation was deferred.
Senator Goldfinger: Once this surgery is over, we need to turn to the serious issues of governance. We need to develop the mega projects, run by senior, seriously deranged megalomaniacs. We are proud to stand here in front of you today, and proclaim the unparalleled achievement of running the country on the model of WAPDA, i.e no water, no power, no development and not authority.
Pakistan Khapay.
Also by Hakim Hazik: Ladybird Ladybird, Chiropractic, The Liberation of Dubai