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The Eternal State

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

We are Muslims and every Muslim is passionate about Shariah. The majority of Pakistanis are Sunni Hanfis—theirs’ is the best system and no one should oppose it. Non-Muslims also need not fear the Shariah as Islam protects their rights.

The only people who are opposed to the implementations of Sharia are Rafidhis, Ahmedis, the infidel Barelvis, the Zikris, the liberal fascists, the Malalites, the agents of Blackwater, CIA and of the World Health Organisation. These people are attacking the Ummah to undermine Islam and trying to break up the family as a holy institution.


The Non-Muslims have nothing to fear. They are safe under an Islamic Caliphate as long as they pay Jizya and kept out of public office. They are allowed to live in designated safe areas. They should not call themselves Muslims and should not build their places of worship in the traditional Islamic architecture. They should not ride a carriage or grow a beard. Otherwise they will be sold into slavery and their women will be married to chaste, upright veterans of jihad starting with the Emir ul Mumineen. 


Slavery is allowed in Islam. The liberal fascists are on a warpath with Islam. The law of sharia is eternal and cannot be changed at the whim of the Asma Jahangir. When the United Caliphate of FATA wages jihad on Islamabad, it will liberate all the exploited women, in hoc to the infidel western capitalism and ask them to entertain the overworked Caliph of Islam. 


The Caliph has been putting in long hours recently. Although he is totally dedicated to the cause of the Ummah, the workload can take its toll. However the infrastructure for rajam is  in place and there has been a twenty percent, year on year growth in adulterers stoned to death in Nangarhar. This is a huge achievement in view of the global recession resulting from the infidel banking crisis. 


The Caliph, inshallah, will be arriving by mule train and Toyota HiAce®, mounted with RPGs, and protected with Burqa Stealth® technology. The welcoming committee is  comprised of liberated women headed by Mrs Mazari. They will welcome him by singing nasheeds extolling the virtues of Shan® Nihari masala. There will be a joint inspection of the guard of honour, by the Caliph and Ambassador Olson. The march past will be by the elite martyrdom brigade, wearing their state of the art suicide attire, developed in the newly liberated Wah Ordnance Factories. The fly past will be offered by the Predator® UAVs, with their delicious humming drone, tipping their wings in salute. 


The satrapy of Langley Sharif is fully supportive of the dialogue process and have not fired a single Hellfire® in anger since the Pak-Mil Apache® has landed in an undisclosed location in the backyard of the Political Agent in Mir Ali carrying the distinguished delegates.


The governor of the tribute paying suba of Lahore is in Constantinople, the seat of the last Caliphate. He has declared in a joint statement with the governor of Kabul and of the potentate of Constantinople, that the dialogue is on course and the slaughter of infidels in Kucha Risaldar is part of the confidence building measures. He said that the army is fully supportive of the current dialogue. 


Unlike Osmanli, this is the eternal caliphate. 



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