Extraordinary Rendition
Hakim Hazik
Ever since Pakistan was created by the efforts of the Quaid e Azam, our eternal enemy has been trying to undermine this gift of God to the Ummah. It has only been due to the vigilance of our valiant armed forces who have stood guard and thrown stones on the Geo building, that we are still living in freedom and are able to send our children to schools where they can learn about the Two Nation Theory and civil liberties and grow up one day to become prize vegetables, steeped in the liberal philosophy of Prof. Oriole Maqbool Jan.
The so called journalist, Hamid Mir is a worm. The astute General Bajwa smelled a rat when this enemy of the ideology of Pakistan shot himself in the stomach and set his apostate brother to malign our national assets in a prolonged and vicious broadcast, without appropriate commercial breaks every nine minutes.
Like a well oiled machine, our valiant army moved into action. So far they have searched for, captured and destroyed the enemy vehicles which were trespassing our sovereign territory and degraded the deadly captured materiel, including Jang newspapers and Akhbar e Jahan, Salma Kanwal number. Acting beyond the call of duty, our naib hawaldar has destroyed the night vision goggles worn by the driver, falsely described by the enemy disinformation cell, as reading glasses.
It is now or never. This is the battle of our survival. Never has the nation been so close to the edge of complete annihilation. Our valiant army has not been found wanting in this hour of need. The vanguard of the army as reached the heart of the enemy territory in D-Chowk and has joined in painting their faces and singing national anthems. This epochal victory will be recorded in the annals of military history as a master stroke and will set a new paradigm of able leadership and out standing bravery. The soldiers will inshallah burn their utility bills, jus as Tariq bin Ziyad burnt his boats in Gibraltar.
The battle of Balochistan is almost over. It was more a battle for hearts and minds and less of liquidating the enemy assets among the intelligentsia. By the grace of Allah SWT, both the objectives have been achieved. We have raised an army of mujahideen who will gun down the nationalists before they turn their guns on us. At that point we will launch an Azb e Qabz operation on them and be paid both by the Coalition Support Fund and by the People’s Liberation Army by the grace of God.
That brings us to the Waziristan operation. This is proceeding according to plan. Only a few months ago, we were facing an existential threat, i.e. the termination of the Coalition Support Fund and dislodgment of Brother Haqqani. Brother Haqqani is doing a horticultural sabbatical in Kurram Agency and the Centcom dollars are flowing.
Dollars and Yuans in the service of Allah SWT, inshallah.
(Please recite ‘Coalition Support Fund’ thirty three times before going to bed.)