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Puristan or Bust

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik


Field Marshal Avatar P Kayani Esq.

Commander in Chief

The Armed Forces 

The Islamic Republic of Puristan

Dear Sir, 

Sorry to bother you at this time of the day which may prevent you from joining the game of golf that is so critical for the national security. I do apologise for this intrusion. I know that the national leaders like your selves require equanimity and peace of mind, that would allow them to be unflinching in their commitment to the well being of the respectable people in the length and breadth of the country.

As a patriotic Puristani, I am aware of my responsibility to ensure that nothing comes in the way of the performance of your national duties. The whole nation admires your dedication and state of readiness to ruthlessly suppress any challenges to the national sovereignty including the malicious outpouring of vituperative enemy propaganda by Ayesha Siddiqa and Ali Dayan Hasan. I completely agree with the enlightening Green Book publication that these fifth columnists belong in the Upper Jhelum Canal and should be despatched there forthwith.

Dear Field Marshal (You are the father and mother for the poor Puristanis like me), there is the small matter of those of us who are not completely pure and are very unlikely to be respectable, whose lives and properties you have vowed to protect. I accept that this lack of purity can be through accident of birth but also due to wilful intransigence. They can include people who belong to the heretic sects and minority creeds but are still spared their lives and tolerated in most parts of this blessed land of Puristan. This speaks highly of the tolerance and magnanimity of your kind self, in spite of the considerable risk they pose to the strategic depth that is the cornerstone of our national defence. 

O the Avatar of the Almighty ( May the Almighty Allah SWT, sustain and preserve you till the end of time), the time seems to have run out for the Hazara Community in Quetta. Not that this is of any vital importance, I hasten to add. They belong to a foreign religion and have foreign looks. The should have vanished from the face of the earth with their ancestor Changez Khan. Unfortunately they are still with us and pose this continuing irritation of dying violent deaths. 

There are some doctors of the same ilk who offer the same kinds of difficulty. They insist on trying to treat kids with cancer and to make them better. Quite inappropriately, they also insist on driving their own kids to school. This is against all norms of civilised behaviour and not surprisingly can lead to violent reprisals by other, purer, Puristanis. 

Dear Avatar, 

Things have come to a head and many of these riffraff are trying to flee abroad. Not that it matters at all to the nation’s well being. I am cognisant of the fact that the respectable, purer Puristanis have been personally trained by Your Honour with the help of the Pure Peninsular money, are behind these noble efforts and must be protected for the national strategic reasons. 

There is nothing more important than the national strategic reasons. 

I do apologise, once again to have interfered in your afternoon siesta,

Syed Pristine Ali Bukhari,

Islamic Republic of Puristan

NIC no: 914000-405821-2



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