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Shriek Chairman’s Bum


Tuzk e Jahangiri

By: Hakim Hazik


Where you were on nine leven? I was eating Benazir Qulfa near Pani Wala Talab. I would normally go to Mochi gate for Seekh Kabab, but it was tweezday and I don’t eat meat on tweezdays. I saw it myself with my own eyes on tally viyun. The fust plane then the sacond plane. Peepals running like chickens in New Yarak. Tawars falling. I thought inside inside my heart, Allah Pak take mercy, they will come after Brather Usama Bin.


But then I thaught, why should I spaa’il my night’s saleep? Did Brather Usama Bin nat give money to Mian Saab to overturn the board of Sheed Mohtarma? And what did he do to help us any haoo? Did he make haspatal like Shaikh Zaid Bin Haspatal? No. Did he prevent Journal Meed Gul faram making IJI? No. What goes of me that I should worry? I am nat Yunus Beeb. I am nat the director of Mran Bank. If I had eaten money like Baji Abda Sain, I would worry. But I have eaten nothing but lashes of Shaitan Zia ul Haq on my butt. So I go to saleep easy specially if I drink lassi (with pairas) from Mori Gate. 


My brather Khawaja Saader Feeq thinks otherwise. He thinks it was an inside jaab. He says, they put dynamite inside the building and pulled the sooch at the same time. And no yahoodis came to work! Why did ten thousand yahoodis nat come to work sir ji? I thinks so that is very suspishus. They are very secret peepal. They did nat tell any bady. Nat even Christians. 


Hafiz Salman Butt thinks same to same. He says it is Mossad. No no, Mossad is not Mama Salim’s son. That’s Masood. Mossad does jasoosi far Israel. They want our bum. Acually Mreekans also want our bum. Naoo, we have a hundred and twenty. They will have to find all af them. That is nat easy, as we have hidden them very well, like Shriek Chairman hides his ten per sent. Some af them we have sent in suit cases to Aran. Others we have sent in other suit cases to Main Hutton. All our bums are in safe hands. 


Mreekans say that our bums are nat in safe hands. They say that journal Zaheer ul Islam Baasi and Burgadier Ali Khan are looking for bums and as soon as they find them they will put them in suitcase and get on a plane.  Hafiz Sahib thinks that Mreekans are enemies  af Islam. I thinks so that Journal Zia was enemy af Islam. Hafiz Saab says it is shirk to go to the mizars. I say to him a singing and dancing maulvi is better than non-shirk maulvi exploding in Data Saab or in Karbala Gamay Shah. 


I think so maulvis are like dangi. They kill innocent innocent peepals. I think so I should leave Lahore for a few days, till dangi fever and nine leven fever goes down. I am thinking, I should go to Abtabad and see the haveli of brather Usama Bin. I am wondering, what is happening to his twenty one wives?


Mumd Jungeer Badar

Secty Journal


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