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The Final Solution

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

This is a historic occasion, seldom seen in the history of nations. Pakistan is about to be given the distinction of the most racially purified and ethnically clean nation of the world. We have been painstakingly guided through this difficult process, by internationally acclaimed peace activists such as Mr Narendra Modi and Mr Slobodan Milosevic.

If you look at it in some detail, it seems the inevitable outcome and one wonders what took it so long for the sister nations to see the obvious. There is so much that Pakistan has achieved. It is true that we have not equalled Rwanda’s achievement of genocide of a million people in one week. However, you will have to grant that it has not been for lack of trying. We came pretty close in 1971, by killing a million Bengalis, but the time taken was too long, and this monumental achievement did not quite register the kudos it deserved in the history books.

Shortly afterwards, in 1974, we tried the same techniques on Baluchis, having been fully supported by the brother Islamic country, Iran. In spite of the aerial bombardment and the support by the Iranian helicopters, we only managed a paltry figure of five thousand Baluchi dead. Although this made an impression on the Baluchis, the number is so embarrassingly low that it would bring a wry smile on the face of world leaders such as Mrs. Madeline Albright, who would not consider a number below half a million dead children, as deserving even  an honourable mention.

Since then the nation has tried rebuilding its infrastructure of mass murder. This has been put to good use in the killing fields of Karachi, in the bombed out valley of Kurram, the blood soaked plains of Jhang and now in the genocidal market town of Gojra. Gojra is the milestone that will bring us at par with the most progressive countries of the world, such as the Republic of Rwanda and Democratic Republic of Congo. Gojra has seen the delightful spectacle of the houses of Christians being torched and the residents being given the message of peace that our oulook aspires for the whole of the world. This will bring the  Gojra Christians into the mainstream of national thought and make them productive members of the society. It will make them useful workers of the elite national peacekeeping force, the Sipah e Sahaba.

One has to take cognizance of the intellectual effort that underpins this epochal achievement. It took years of serious academic research by highly trained religious scientists, to draft the Blasphemy Law, which has now become the life-blood of the nation and put it on the path of enlightenment and philosophical renaissance.

One must pay tribute to the indefatigable chief minister of the province, Mr Shehbaz Sharif. He truly deserves the gratitude of the nation for being the leader of the best run province in the federation. This is in no small measure to his personal vision and dedication. This will earn him a prominent place in the hall of fame, currently occupied by the likes of Brothers Idi Amin and Omar al Bashir. On his watch, Punjab will soon achieve the peace and serenity of Darfur.

Let the celebrations begin.


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