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The Five Year Itch


Tuzk e Jahangiri

Hakim Hazik


Pateeshan, pateeshan, pateeshan. 


My ears are cooked by these pateeshans. Does Choisab has no other work to do? Every Tam, Dick, Harry, Majha, Saja and Gama can arrive fram Mrs. Saga and start a revolution. When they say they don’t like the Lection Commission, what they mean is that they don’t like lections. And why nat sir ji? Becaz the lection may nat give the right results. The lections should bring nice nice peepal who are sadiq and amin and have a silver sapoon in their mouth, made in Toronto and palished in Madel Town.


Actually, as every one knows these spoons are not made in Toronto or in Mansoora. They are made in the Wah factory, alang with G3 rifles and RPGs. They are given to the chosen of God, nice peepal who are leaders of the sadiq and of the amin, at praper times to save the nation.   


Nice peepal click their heels and give a sloot and sing qaumi tarana, every time Journal Kayani lights a cigar. That is the spirit of patriatism that we need, if we want to canquer Delhi, including South Extension and Baghdad, including the Green Zone. 


Between you and me and the four walls of the journal secty affice, you can nat save the nation by sending Fakhroo Bhai home. If Mran Khan falls for that, he will make the biggest mistake af his life. He can say goodbye to the Tsunami and retire to the faram house in Baidian or to the country home of Lady Amma Bell having the full English Brake fast in bed every marning far the rest of his life.  


Shriek Chairman has tied his gunny sack and his bed. He is all set to go to Lhor. Dear Reader, as you know Lhor is Lhor.  Here you can be the chief minister and have three three, four four wives. Not like Slamabad where you can not even have two nationalities. Not even two public affices. In Lhor, it is Allah Mian up high and Miansab here on earth. And this is what the high court says only. 


Every five years, most middle aged men wearing khaki unifarm get an itch to save the nation. This itch can have severe cansequences. It can lead to Mullahs in exile suddenly becoming revolutionary leaders and ending up in bomb proof containers in Slamabad. It can lead to arrest warrants for the Prime Minister and court cases in the Lhor high court. Nobady asks the nation whether it wants to be saved. I think so, it is nat a bad idea to ask the nation. They do it in other countries. It is called Lections. 


Any haoo, you have to xcuse me naoo. I am itching to go to a fashion show. I am very fand a of a model who is an the catwaak. She is called Bangladesh Model. 


Mohamd Jahangir Badar

Secty Journal 




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