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Tim Horton, Halal


Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik


Imam Abu Hanifa came. He came in a Mercedes 450 GL SUV. He wore shiny new Gucci shoes and a snow white Armani cloak, as opposed to the starched khaki of General Bajwa who was his chief of staff and carried his lota and his staff. I kissed his shoes, (General Sahib’s) and we sat down for a double double of Tim Horton’s, with the help of an armoured personnel carrier (Imam Sahib’s) whereas outside the container, the angels stood guard (General Sahib’s). 

Dear Reader, 


These are the same angels who have looked after personal freedoms in Pakistan, especially the freedom of expression and ensured that those who attack democracy and Islam are dealt with an iron fist, unless they join Bol TV, the chosen, freely expressive channel of Allah SWT. 


General Sahib took out his flaming sword. He announced that the blood of the martyrs of Model Town would be avenged. There won’t be a diyat. There would only be qisas. The Little Mian Sahib will have to bow his head to be struck by the edge of the mighty Barelvi sword. May Allah SWT protect us from the mischief of Deobandis and Wahabis and Kharijis. May Allah SWT make the rivers of Jannah and the dollars of DIFID flow, so that the faithful are made prosperous and sing His praises. (FCO Minister’s). 


Imam Sahib agreed that the dharna has achieved its purpose. We have demonstrated that the system is corrupt and does not allow the chosen of Allah and General Bajwa to rule the country or to win the memorial golf in the Royal Palm Golf and Country club. 


A revolution is needed. The current administration has to be thrown out. A new election needs to be held under the provisions of article 62 and 63. Otherwise, there is no future of golf in this land for which our fore fathers had laid down their lives and three retired general were rehired, (May Allah be pleased with them). 


The little matter of the ISPR Brother, Imran Khan and the bai’ah in Takia Edgware Shareef was discussed. We were informed that the Brother has risen in the estimation of Allah SWT and will be suitably rewarded by the angels of God in the life hereafter and in the next elections, notwithstanding the machinations of the evil, rejected Satan and Javed Hashmi. (May he never go to China).


He had a chance to secure a place in the hearts and minds of the nation, just as he had secured one in the heart of Mirza Aslam Beg. He had been at the receiving end of Allah’s bounty but he fell pray to the temptations of Satan. (We seek protection of Allah from Satan.)


In the end, the esteemed general, presented to us, wrapped in silk brocade, first class air tickets, for Baghdad International to Imam Sahib and for Pearson International Airport, Toronto for Yours Truly. 


All recite azan seven times and darood shareef thirty three times. 


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