Transcultural Dialogues 

By Hakim Hazik 

Gen. (Retd.) Tinpot: O Master, O Lord, O Chaudhry of the State Department and of the Empire, hallowed be the ground you walk on. Welcome to this land and this fiefdom.   More...

Inspired by none other than the ‘Muflis-e-Haal’ of his time, the one and only Saadat Hasan Manto, I have decided to write a few letters to Her Majesty the Queen of Great Britain, also affectionately known as Ma’am and otherwise HRH Queen Elizabeth the Second! 

Dear Ma’am

I have decided to write a series of letters to Your Royal Highness over a period of time. The purpose of these letters will get clearer in the course of time. 

Allow me to introduce myself. I am a humble, loyal and dedicated subject of yours, though Your Majesty’s Government has changed my official status to a ‘citizen’. I, however, being somewhat stuck in history, would like to think of myself as the former. Not only this, but I can lay claim that this very honour was inherited by me; as generations before me have served you and your forefathers with even greater diligence.  More...

Transcultural Dialogues

by Hakim Hazik 

(Trrrrrn Trrrrrrrn .........)

Il Leader: Edgware High Street Pizza Shop, Quaid-e-Tehrik ispeaking, via telephonic address, how may I help you?

Customer: Can I order a deep pan, extra large, ultra hot, Sicilian please.

Il Leader: Would you like extra toppings sir, we do from extra hot jalapenos to gunpowder. We also have ispecially imported Hamdard Corporation soup, Takbeer Publications ketchup and Edhi Foundation chutney. More...

By Mohammad Ayub 

People are foolish

They will be scared,

They will never ask questions,

They will always follow orders.

Where are the wise men,

Who gave this counsel?

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Extraordinary Rendition

by Hakim Hazik 

O Lord, O Master, O Creator of the Universe and of Tribal Areas, I seek your forgiveness for the transgressions that I have committed. I have sinned. I don’t have Sind any more; neither do I have the Punjab, or any other province. I have also lost FATA, FANA and Azad Kashmir. I have lost the uniform, the elections, the assembly, Mushahid Oilcan, Sheikh Ding-Dong and Chaudhry Lickspittle. I can’t even find my glasses. The only companion I have got left is 58-2b. It is my pride and joy. When I stroke it, it purrs with pleasure. When it growls with hunger, it sends a shudder through the country. It is growling more and more, as it has not been fed since 1996. More...

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Extraordinary Rendition 

March 9, 2013

by Hakim Hazik 

The President of Pakistan and Commander of the Faithful, Brig Zaheer ul Islam Abbasi, confirmed today that the enemy of the state and fugitive from justice, Gen. Retd. Tinpot has been captured today from an underground cellar in Chak Shehzad, the Islamabad suburb that has become a hiding place of dangerous criminals. More...