Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The first meeting of the Naya Cabinet was held today. By happy co-incidence, the national Abu Mus’ab Al-Zarqawi day was also celebrated today, in the length and breadth of the country. Mr Ahmedi Nejad, the former president was to be the key note speaker in the inauguration ceremony, but was busy arranging a cartoon competition for the International Holocaust Day. He sent a recorded message of felicitation. He called the Prime Minister Imran Khan, his brother and a kindred soul. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Meray Aziz Hamwatno, 

The address in the General Assembly was a resounding success. All three delegates and the three flies who attended were buzzing with excitement. There were people outside the hall who were paid by the international Jewish Lobby who tried to raise Cain, but were ably put down by the metropolitan police, something that the Prodigal Brother has to learn, in addition to smashing microphones and wearing wellies in flood waters. More...

Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Noon,

We are in receipt of your worthy epistle which brings light to our eyes and comfort to our heart. May your halal appetite be sated with the pious curry of Jackson Heights. May you return home safe and sound. May you sit on the throne of Maragallah and provide peace and justice to the people of the Faith. 

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Letter to Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother in Islam,

Assalam u Alaikum

By the grace of Allah SWT and the Riyals of Your Majesty (May Allah be pleased with you), I have landed at the mutaar al duwali of JFK. I was driven at speed to Jackson Heights in Sayyara tul Limo to eat the halal head and feet of the pious and law abiding goats, just like the Aal e Imran have been eating my head and attacking my standing for the last 6 weeks. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Ever since Pakistan was created by the efforts of the Quaid e Azam, our eternal enemy has been trying to undermine this gift of God to the Ummah. It has only been due to the vigilance of our valiant armed forces who have stood guard and thrown stones on the Geo building, that we are still living in freedom and are able to send our children to schools where they can learn about the Two Nation Theory and civil liberties and grow up one day to become prize vegetables, steeped in the liberal philosophy of Prof. Oriole Maqbool Jan. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

Ever since Pakistan was created by the efforts of the Quaid e Azam, our eternal enemy has been trying to undermine this gift of God to the Ummah. It has only been due to the vigilance of our valiant armed forces who have stood guard and thrown stones on the Geo building, that we are still living in freedom and are able to send our children to schools where they can learn about the Two Nation Theory and civil liberties and grow up one day to become prize vegetables, steeped in the liberal philosophy of Prof. Oriole Maqbool Jan. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The Parties intend to form a matrimonial bond and, partnership agreement on the 13th day of September, 2013 as soon as Naya Pakistan is consummated. 

Between:

1. Imran Ahmed Khan Niazi of Imran Khan Road, Bani Gala, Islamabad, Pakistan.
2. Muhammad Tahir ul Qadri of 2505 Dixie Road, Mississauga, Toronto, Ontario, Canada.

The parties intend to enter into an a bond of nikah according to the laws and customs of the noble sharia and it is their mutual desire to enter into this agreement, so that from the date of their matrimony, they will each continue to control their own containers, four wheel drives and Lear Jets. In addition, their present respective financial interests to remain unchanged and their bank accounts and financial interests underwritten by Zaheer ul Islam Esq. of Sensitive Accountants International, Inc. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

I met Imam Abu Hanifa in Edgware. No, not in Baghdad. Even Shaikh Abdul Qadir Jilani does not live in Baghdad anymore. Baghdad is yesterday’s news. The meeting was facilitated by angels of God who did not want to be seen with me in Aabpara. They did not want to fly to Mississauga either, as that would cause their wings to be burnt and the story of their injuries to be leaked to the demonic Toronto press. More...

Tuzk e Jahangiri

Hakim Hazik

Shriek Chairman came fram his penthouse in Manhattan, made a shart stapover in the Chatoo in Paris and in the Buraj in Dubai, before he ate Chinkara meat in Jati Umra. He flies in the special planes and helicopter provide by Miansab. The NAB, the FBR and the Sapream Coat saleep after eating the laooly dishes of Haji Fazal Din (inside Taxali Gate, special bong on Sundays), and no questions are asked. More...

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The armies of Trans-Ravius approached the ancient capital of Rome in a classic pincer movement. 

In the arduous task that the emperor, Nawazius Lundius Bazarius, had undertaken, that of restoring the empire to its ancient splendour, it was first necessary to revive among his troops a sense of order and obedience. He impressed upon them that a people ruined by oppression and indolent from despair, could no longer supply a numerous army with the means of luxury or an extension in tenure of service or sixty percent of the GDP. More...