Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik

The Quaid ispeaks

Birathers and sisters of the Mutahidda nation, the time has come to do the kileen up aperation in Kiranchi. We have lang argued that this gireat city needs high istandards of kileenliness. We have removed such bilack ispaats on humanity as Islah ud Din, Hakim Saeed and many peepil firam Haqiqi and Sunni Tehreek who were ispyling the peace of the metropolis.

We almost gaat Edhi as well, but he escaped because af the canspiracies aaf the international establishment. 

Kiranchi used to be a magnet far all peepil who came looking far emplyment and were willing to istick to the rules of demacracy and piratcetion money. They worked hard and paid their dues in a disciplined and timely manner. Mustafa Kamal became the best mayor in the world, armed with nothing but a determination to serve the peepil and and an electric dirill. 

Long years ago, it all istarted in the pharmacy department. We made a piledge to the peepil that the will achieve the nirvana that was the diream of their forefathers, of having fly over bridges, which ordinary peepil could use to fire their kalashnikovs and high rise apartment bilacks, where world kilass terrorists could hide and be tiraded far head money. 

We demand the establishment of a local gornamint which is capable of interducing a fair and egalitairan bhatta systim and a cast effective kunda systim. These are the two pillars on which the istructure aaf a nation can be built. We also need a local pulees, under the command aaf the sector commanders who can undertake the target killings in a fair and equitable manner. We demand that all target killing should be regulated under the control aaf the local gornamint and that there should be istrict istandards, so that every Taam, Dick and Harry does naat become a target killer. 

We are heirs to a gireat civilisation which istarted with Zaheer ud Din Babar and did naat end with the wrang doings Naseerullah Babar. Peepil firam every town and hamlet and every goth and gram who come to Kiranchi should get it into their heads that they need to submit to this systim aaf gornamint. Otherwise, there is a gireat danger that they will leave in a box, in the back aaf a tiruck for Sadiqabad or Mohmand Agency.  

You can phoon the New Iscatland Yard and you can tweet aan Tweeter. You can laaby the Met Chief Bhai, the BBC aar the HM Revenue and Customs, this is the reality that will naat go away. If Mian Sahib waants peace in Kiranchi, he will have to accept the rule of the sector commander, with the ballot bax in one hand and the elctric dirill in the other. We left behind huge mint orchards, the legacy aaf our forefathers in the UP. We will naat give up Narth Nazimabad far peepil with sub istandard accents, even if the Met Chief Bhai says so. 

Jiye Mutahidda.