Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

We condemn the attack on Malala. In this condemnation, we should not forget Aafia Siddiqi. She is the true daughter of Islam. She should be freed from the infidel Sing Sing prison. Aasia Bibi should stay in custody. She should not be freed from the bastion of faith, the font of all blessings, the Adyala prison. The injured and the infirm should go to Birmingham, UK or Buffalo, New York. The able bodied should go to Helmand and beat the infamy and licentiousness out of the infidel soldiers attacking the Dar ul Islam.

Let me make it very clear. We will not allow the attack on Caliphate of Waziristan under the fig leaf of the Malala attack. Waziristan is the heartland of Ummah and a beacon of hope for the beleaguered  and the oppressed the world, especially the car thieves. We will hold a candle lit vigil after we have put the American Embassy to torch. We will stage a sit in to stop the NATO containers and undertake a million march to Miran Shah. We will read Quran in the memory of the the martyred stalwarts, Baitullah Mehsud, Ilyas Kashmiri and Rashid Rauf. These are the true servants of the faith who have fallen victim to the brutal drones of the Jewish lobby.

The Jewish lobby, with the help of the Indian lobby is hell bent on attacking the Dar ul Islam. They are attacking us with drones, with bribes and with LGBT ambassadors. They are cooking evil schemes to undermine the foundations of the Ummah. They are waiting with bated breath. As soon as Malala walks out of the hospital, they will use her totem to raise a mercenary army to attack the Caliphate in Bani Gala and in Miran Shah. Exhibiting my legendary personal valour in high falsetto, I will defend the honour of Islam with an umbrella. I will urge the foreign minister to defend the honour of Islam by attacking Mr Panetta with her Hermes hand bag.

The day of reckoning is nigh. Very soon, the serried legions of Islam will emerge from Mansoora to liberate No:5 Zaildar Park from apostates and unfurl the standard of the Faith on the Civil Secretariat before setting off on the road to the house of infamy, the so called Islamabad. The video shop owners, the hair dressers, the Chinese women and the liberal fascists will be brought in chains to the Lal Masjid where they will be set to work to re-build the Jamia Hafsa. 

As the slaves of one true God, it is incumbent upon us to establish the kingdom of God on earth so that it is not the Chinese women who walk the streets of Islamabad at night but the soul of the Martyr Zia ul Haq of blessed memory. He rises from his final resting place and goes from house to house to heal the battered and bruised Mujahideen of Jamia Hafsa and Jamia Faridia, to provide them solace and comfort and to restore them to the pink glow of good health so that chicks of Islam can wield the sticks of Jihad. 

Islam is the solution,

Syed Drone ul Ummat