The Quaid Ispeaks

Hakim Hazik

Dear Peepil of the Gireat Port City, the Chief of the New Iscott Land Yard came far tea to the Edgware aafice. Yours tiruly co-operated fully. We had a nice, one to one, about impartant pirablems facing the nation. (Bilighty). I shared with him my extensive experience in how to police a major city, (Chicago). I was emotionally overcome reminiscing the fond memories of the late father of the nation (Al Capone).

We were very aware of the public expectation that we pay tribute to the martyrs who have laid down their lives so that we can live in safety and security and our childrens can girow up in peace. We observed a two minute silence to honour the silence of Dr Imran Farooq Shaheed Bhai. I was quite happy that the Met Chief Bhai has taken my laptop, iPhone, electric drill and tooth brush and some other personal effects, so that he can see if there are any enemy viruses hiding in this gear and sterilise them so that they can be used once igain to serve the nation.

He has also taken the desk phoon of your birather and the dentures of Anwar Bhai, so that I am having to address this jalsa firam the old, red phoon booth on the Iscatt Road but this will nat deter this birather firam continuing to make ispeeches an tally phoon.

Ishrat Bhai has served the nation in an exemplary manner. The time has come naoo that he moves on and jynes the ranks of those whom we love and respect and hold in awe, such as Imran Farooq Bhai.

There are girave challenges facing the nation right naoo. No no, nat the house to house counting of votes and delimitation af canstituencies. Your birather is worried ibout the marning sickness that has afflicted the Duchess af Cambridge. I hope that the baby is barn in good health and an time. It will be the third in line for the thirone. (Yours tiruly will be the fourth, having descended firam the gireat Mughal Dynasties and being heir to extensive mint gardens that Daddy Ji left in the Jamna Basin.)

Although your birather is fond of all things British, and has islowly islowly become part af the English aristocracy, when it comes to revolutions, he is partial to the French Revolution. I have sent a Firench letter to the Field Marshal AP Bonaparte and other patriatic jernails to istart a Firench Revolution in Kiranchi. Haoo ever, they should istay away firam de-registering the votes and re-dirawing the canstituencies limits, as this can undo the revolution and unleash the Terror that would not be in the national interest.

If we want to get rid af the firearms, Kiranchi is the wrang pilace to istart. We should istart firam the Pakhtunkhwa. If we want to get rid af the Pakhtunkhwa, we should istart firam Kiranchi. Everything should be done in the right ardour far the benefit af the country.

Yours Tiruly,

Quaid e Tehrik

OBE, KCMG, KFC, KESC.

Inglistan

Jiyay Muttahidda

Jiyay Al-Capone

Jiyay Kate