Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

It was a historic day that ended in tragedy; a tragedy that has not failed to touch all of us, regardless of class and status. The President has cancelled his tour to his French chateau via Burj Dubai and the Mian Sahib, acting swiftly, has postponed the project of buying free iPhones for foreign correspondents. The Field Marshal is has given the batman the evening off and is stretched on his camp bed, fully clothed, staring at the ceiling and thinking how things came to such a pass that he has to rehire his retired generals to protect them from the grubby paws of the bloody civilians.  

Tragedy indeed, but Pakistanis are by nature a resilient nation. We will bounce back within the period it the time it takes to lower a flag to half mast and raise it again. We must identify the foreign hand that will be behind this and expose it to the visiting UN team. We should not let go of our courage and determination and must speedily restore the calm and normalcy that is so characteristic of us as a nation.

We need to restore the collection of protection money on which the currently fragile economic recovery so heavily depends. We need to re-establish the target killings of labourers from Kurram and arrange transport back to FATA on the Chipa ambulances. We must be ready to burn the western consulates, lest the Libyans steal a march on us to achieve international glory. There are martyrdom bombers to be trained and minority ulema to be executed. We will be unflinching in our undertakings and unruffled by temporary setbacks. 

It is such an unedifying sight to see these decadent western nations practically revel in self pity. You hear, day after day, year after year, about Hillsborough, Londonderry, Columbine and Vietnam. It amazing to see the merchandising of tragedy. The Pentagon looses a war and Hollywood makes a tidy some out of it. Have you ever heard of Lal Masjid, the action in Balochistan, the fall of Dhaka? We quietly achieved a genocide of world class proportions with limited resources and it went unnoticed by Zionist western media. Does it not completely expose the western double standards?

We have been sucked into fighting a war that is not ours. We are killing and being killed by our own people. We were also sucked into the the war against the Soviet Union. However that war was our war. The difference was that it was Afghans who were killing and being killed by their own people whereas we were defending Islam and the free world with the help of weapons from Israel and petrodollars from our Saudi brothers.

Ever since the First Aryans came down the Khyber Pass, we have been a martial race. Our sons have won admiration from friend and foe alike. Time Square, London Underground and Taj Hotel are witness to our ingenuity and valour. 

This gives us hope that the present crisis will be solved in a timely and expeditious manner and the three accused will be acquitted with honour. Justice will be done and will be shown to be done. We have full confidence in the General Court Marshall.