Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

Meray Aziz Hamwatno,

Mullah Mullen is my best friend. He is the Commander of the Faithful and Amir of Momineen and Mominat. He is the Caliph of Islam, just like Mullah Omar was before him. Mullah Omar was also my best friend. He may yet be the Caliph again. I therefore keep his ba’yat and get him his snuff from the bounteous province of Hindukush.

Mullah Mullen is a dervish. He has a retiring temperament. He does not like to be mobbed by his devotees. Many of them spend their lives in Camp Delta in orange khirqas, reciting the rosaries of the New American Century. Mullah Sahib runs the world form his takyah in Pentagon. He has given me the vilayat of Indus for another three years. Praise the Lord. Baji Clinton has no objection. She is very forgiving. She will overlook minor transgressions of the Bhai and the ISI. To err is human.

Mullah Sahib agrees that there is no room for the infidels in the Hindukush. They should close down their consulates and withdraw to the south of Godavari River. He agrees with the need for the faithful to have a soft strategic depth. This is what our religion teaches us. This is what we believe in.

Islam is the religion of peace and soft strategic depth.

ISI has topped the intelligence agencies of the world. It is also the greatest Sufi order in the world. All seekers of truth are welcome. Afghan, Arab and Americans. Taliban, cold warriors and CIA. We have beaten RAW by a big margin.

This feat was not achieved overnight. It has taken years of hard work. We have invested heavily on the education of our masses. Karachi has become the madrassah capital of the world. There are 20,000 madrassahs in the country, imparting modern education and making its graduates fit to live in the fifteenth century. These graduates have spread to the four corners of the Ummah fully equipped with techniques of slitting the throats of the kuffar and exploding themselves in market places on special occasions.

These achievement are nothing short of miraculous, if you consider that our opponents have pursued the frivolous discipline of information technology in the vain attempts to make Bangalore the IT hub of the world. The waste of resources and public funds is appalling.

This would never be allowed in an enlightened society like ours. We do not need IITs. We do not need schools. We do not need universities. What we need is drone technology, JF thunder, Al Khalid main battle tank, ballistic missiles, suicide jackets, IED’s, carving knives to slay the infidel, short trousers, long beards, deniable jihad, undeniable residential plots, deputations in the UN, staff courses in Fort Leavenworth, soft strategic depth in Hindukush, hard currency from the IMF, ideology from Deoband, technology from Lockheed Martin.

By the grace of God we are succeeding on all these fronts.

Ashfaq Pervez Kayani

High Sultan of Indus

Amir of Hindukush

Avatar of Caliph Mullen

Chief of General Staff 

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