Extraordinary Rendition  

Hakim Hazik

The divine light of faith filled my bosom. The angel in my dream asked me to board the flight EK 614 and do my duty. The angel wields a flaming sword. It cuts sharp and it cuts swiftly. It does not allow any obstacle in the way of protecting the honour and dignity of the angels. The mill of the angelic justice will grind slow but it will grind small. 

No enemies of God will escape, even those who hide in the Geo vans. We will break their glasses before we will break their necks in a non-violent and peaceful manner. Islam is a religion of peace, as I have written in my DIFID fatwa. Suicide bombing is not halal. Lynching the agents of Satan is halal. Shooting them in the stomach will earn you a place in Jannah.

The angels come from time to time to the chosen of the God to show them the right path. They come once a year to Mississauga in an unmarked van via 403 West.  Sometimes in the dead of the winter, sometimes when the flower buds of May come to blossom. 

This time they want me to lead a revolution. The revolution will be peaceful. No live bullets will be used. Only fists and beards will be waved in anger. Only batons will be wielded and stones will be pelted in a gentle, dignified and non-threatening manner. The revolution will start from the business lounge and end in the M block via Governor’s house. You must book early to avoid disappointment. Please do not use on empty stomach or in case of indigestion and keep out of the reach of children. If you are keen, you keen give two drops to the children after consultation with your doctor. 

The Corps Commander must do his duty. He must go to the Club Road in a tank and ask Mian Sahib to become a murgha on his office table before he brings him in chains to the M Block. The revolution demands sacrifices from all of us, even if it means a full day of golf that the Corps commander has to forego. Jazakallah.

Islam is spreading by leaps and bounds in the Greater Toronto area. Very soon it will match the growth of Starbucks. In the same way, our peaceful revolution will spread in Dar ul Islam from M Block to as far as Township and Kot Lakhpat factory area and will overtake the growth of McDonald’s.

We had enough of the corruption of our manipulated democracy. We need an alternative. We have not had enough of the rule of the angels. Due to the will of Allah and the misdeeds of Rana Sana Ullah, we may yet have the rule of the angels again. When that happens, Yours Truly will be sipping coffee in Tim Hortons, Enjoying the soft vistas of the Lake Ontario.

Do you hear the gentle rustle of the angels’ wings?

Yours Truly,

Shaikh ul Islam