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A Degree is a Degree

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

It has been said that a degree is degree, whether you have bought it from the back of a truck or from a bona fide, professional forger registered with the Higher Education Commission. If I were you, I would not buy university degrees any more. I would buy a university, which, now a days is as cheap and much better value for money.

It has to be remembered, as we conduct the democratic exercise of executing the honourable members with forged degrees, that the degrees are not the end. They are the means to achieve a much more sublime and treasured ideal, namely to squeeze the masses in a democratic way till the pips squeak. This can only be achieved by people with genuine MBAs from Harvard. Upright and honourable individuals, who can guide you towards the proper way to kill your children, as you wait for the structural adjustment  programme to allow you the trickle down, you so richly deserve.

Advanced schemes for public welfare in a proper democracy can only be put together by people with proper degrees. Look at the co-operative banking, started purely for the benefit  of the masses by the selfless Chaudhry Shujaat Hussein. This historic scheme brought millions of rupees to the national economy, before going bankrupt. Bankruptcy is the beauty of democracy. Bank loan write offs are a beauty of democracy.

As you know, the Prime Minister is in total control. He has a cool nerve, a steady hand and a genuine degree. He will deal with the crisis in his usual, calm, graceful and statesman like way by going down on his knees and kissing the ground in front of whoever is holding the most power. Meanwhile his progeny drive around in Hummers and BMWs, as they negotiate hundred years’ leases for decent accommodation befitting the leader of a democratic nation.

We should not lose sight of the fact that we have in our madrassas great repositories of advanced scholarship, comparable with the best universities of the world. Our Unani colleges teach the best practice of cutting edge medicine in the world. They have modernised their curriculum by adding Avicenna to the already highly advanced teachings of Galen.

 It is meet and proper that Abid Sher Ali should work on granting equivalence to madrassa graduates, so that they can be elected to the parliament and play their role in nation building, and use scientific methods in killing the infidels. We propose that the Darul Ulum Haqqania, Akora Khatak should be equated to MIT and Binnori Town to IITs.

We demand that Maulana Fazlur Rehman be made the chairman of the Higher Education Commission, Vice Chancellor of the Barani University, Director of OGRA and Imam of the Ummah, because of his academic and scientific endeavours to reclaim fallow public land and making it suitable for agriculture, by imaginative use of diesel permits. Public figures like him are a living proof that we have a future as a nation.

Every day in every way, we are getting better and better.

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