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Et Tu Bootay


By: Hakim Hazik


Pakistan has been attacked again by Bahria Seals. Our sovereignty is in tatters. Malik Riaz has landed in Karachi on his Hawker 400XP, the product of latest, Zionist American stealth technology. 

Our valiant armed forces, currently headquartered in the back pocket of Malik Sahib, will give a befitting reply, as soon as they are finished with the global war on the Baloch university lecturers and other enemies of the state.

It all started with the evil jewish conspirator, Senator Kerry. He tried to foist upon Pakistan a sum of 7.5 billion dollars to build schools and hospitals. He wanted us to part with our honour and forego the development of Ghauri series Hataf 27 missile which can target the central roulette table in Monte Carlo with an accuracy of 3 inches. 

As we have declared repeatedly, our honour as a nation is not for sale, except for five thousand dollars per container. We can not betray the blood of our martyrs, unless we can have a one to one in Waldorf Astoria with President Obama. 

Pakistanis are a proud and resourceful nation. We are a nuclear power. We can harness the power of Jinns and the sunspots and overcome the present energy crisis. The Difa e Pakistan Council can bring down the drones with a collective passage of patriotic hot air brought up with passion and with fervour. 

The western civilisation has become hollow from the inside. In the end it is the true message of Islam that will triumph. That is what Dr Asalan was trying to achieve in the rented Range Rover Sport when he was filmed by the award winning documentaries production unit of the ISPR. Their contributions towards the spread of the message of peace and harmony across Cote d’Azure can not be overemphasized.


It is foolish and obtuse to expect every parent to know in detail the business deals of their children, especially if they live in another city. We have said this before and we will said this again, let the holy book be the arbiter. If it is written that a BMW in the driveway is a sin, we should sell it in an auction and be content with a Lexus. Ours is a religion of peace. 


We have come a long way since the defeat of the military dictatorship and the empowerment and restoration of the judicial independence. The ever vigilant judiciary has completely eliminated the transport of contraband spirits on the national carrier. Very soon Inshallah, the national carrier itself will be eliminated. We will then rapidly move to achieve the same results with the rail and road network. At that point, a lion and a goat will drink water from the same pier and exchange pleasantries about the cricket series.

We demand that the current crisis be resolved with transparency and with speed, keeping in mind the procedure laid down by the rightly guided caliphs. We should not trust anyone expect ourselves. As the famous poet philosopher of the east, Al-Hajj Shaikh Spear has said:


The fault, dear Bootay, is not in our stars but ourselves.



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