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Lie Back, Think of Ummah

Extraordinary Rendition

Hakim Hazik


Islam is a religion that brought peace and prosperity to the world. It empowered the powerless and transformed the society by turning shepherds into kings and dolts into emirs. Before Islam women were treated badly. Female children were buried alive. Now, they can live to the age of the puberty, when they can be sold into the harem of the chosen  men of God, of the Middle Eastern extraction who have paid an inflation adjusted, FairtradeTM price, equivalent to forty goats or ten cows to their sharia recognised guardians.


As is inevitable, there are people who are rebellious and do not recognise the signs which the Almighty SWT has made evident to those who have faith and wisdom. They are enemies of God and stoke the fires of hell which burn fierce and which burn strong. They include those females who incite pious, god fearing men to do violence by going without full length, secure and low carbon abayas which Allah SWT has made available at all designer outlets run by Junaid Jamshed. 


The most pious of the pious, the emir of the jamaat, in a recent interview has advised such spawn of Satan, to submit to the inevitable when it happens. They should lie back and think of the Ummah and the sacrifices made by Aafia Siddiqi. May Allah have mercy on her and her father in law. 


The learned emir was speaking at the martyrdom anniversary of  the benefactor of Islam and the mujaddid of present century, General Mustache ul Haq. Some would argue that his biggest legacy of the martyr was the disintegration of the Soviet empire and bringing back the emirate of Afghanistan from the edge of perdition. We would argue that his biggest legacy is General Hamid Gul, of Jalalabad, unsurpassed in matters of strategic thinking and of statecraft.


Dear Reader, 


This periodical would propose that the Ummah should not forego the opportunity of recognising the respected general through the time honoured custom of bay’ah and accept his Allah ordained status of a rightly guided caliph. He should designate Syed Mad Hamid to follow him into this august office, so that there is no dispute on succession and no fitnas are created when the time comes. 


If do not act now, the Ummah will be left languishing in the wilderness for many years, enemies of the Ummah such the Women’s Action Forum will gain the upper hand and marathon races will become rife. (Naoozu Billah). There may even come a time when DNA evidence will become admissible in the courts, and rape victims will leave the prisons in droves. May Allah save us from that day. 


The ground breaking insight by the eminent emir has been hailed by the great off white  hope, Imran Khan who has called this the fundamental paradigm for the defense of the northwestern border. Henceforth, the coalition cabinet will employ this brilliant strategy that is shown to work in providing succour to the rape victims, to this war that is not our war; thus isolating the extremists from the masses, and regaining the initiative in a competitive regional environment. 


Let us all lie back and think of the Ummah. 


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