web 2.0

The Holy Peninsula

Letter from Brother Abdullah

Hakim Hazik

Praise be to Allah who has allowed us to bulldoze all signs of idolatry including the houses of Sahaba and the graves of the Baqee Cemetery to make room for the amenities of a pious and modern life, including DiorTM and Nina RicciTM. Salutations to the Creator who has blessed us with asphalt which is more powerful than sand and with which we can build large squares and piazzas, ideal for the public execution of Bangladeshi infidels and Sudanese witches, to the blessed recitation of Qari Al-Ghamdi.

Allah be praised.

Dear Brother,

We hope you and our dear bhabi are well and partaking of the wholesome festive foods from the various wedding celebrations of the Prodigal Brother. May Allah expand his clan and bless him with obedient, God fearing and upright wives, as He has blessed Brother Khar before him. Verily, nikah is the sunnah of the prophet and a gift of God to his slaves who follow the path of righteousness. May Allah grant him long life and health so that he can deal with challenges like cough syrups, dengue, solid waste and Rana Sana Ullah. Ameen. (with a raised voice and with unfolded hands)

Dear Brother in Islam,

The enemies of the Ummah are hard at work in the region. Right across the Arabian Gulf, the heretics and traitors of Islam are busy building a nuclear bomb in the satanic city of Bushehr. This has raised alarm in both holy cities of Islam of which Yours Truly is a servant. (Both Tel Aviv and Washington).

We need to fight the forces arrayed against Islam at every level. No, not in Gaza but in Damascus, Aleppo, Teheran and Manama. We need to hire soldiers of Islam from Jhelum district and deploy them in Bahrain to fire live rounds on the infidels demanding the right to vote in the municipal election and to freely choose how they manage their solid waste.

Dear Brother, (May Allah bless you with a large numbers of iPhones to give to distinguished journalists), these demands are against the basic precepts of Islam and against the traditions of the Holy Peninsula. They will be crushed with the full force of our slave army, hired on generous terms from the Islamic Republic.

The day is not far when you will sit on the throne of the Islamic Republic. Dear Brother, when that auspicious moment transpires, you must allocate the agricultural lands of the Republic to the Kingdom for mechanized farming. We will generously hire the displaced farmers as domestic help in the Kingdom, as long as they do not belong to the heretic sects. Also, you must allocate the divisions of Bahawalpur and Rahim Yar Khan as the hunting grounds for the pious princes from the Holy Peninsula so that they can eliminate the menace of Houbara bustard from these lands to put them on the path to progress.

As the holy oil gushes forth from the holy Ras Tanura, the proceeds will be spent to promote the path of righteousness in the world, including the roulette tables in Monte Carlo and mountain retreats in Denver, Colorado.

May Allah bless the House of Saud. May He grant us protection from the heretics, idolators, witches, Bangladeshis, Zionists and Sudairis.

Your Brother from The Holy Peninsula

Al Malik Al Abdullah ibn Saud


Add comment