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Tinpot International Airlines


Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik 

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome aboard this special flight of Tinpot International Airlines to Beijing and other exotic destinations, all of which will be revealed in the fullness of time. We extend our warmest welcome to our first time flyers, Chaudhry Little Authority and Mr. Campfollower Qureshi. We invite them to join our frequent flyer scheme, which offers a range of benefits, including membership of the very exclusive Inbred Social International Club, also called the ISI.

We are pleased to announce that the founder and the chief executive of the Tinpot International, the invaluable national asset, General Tinpot himself has honoured us with his presence on this flight and will be available after dinner to offer his boots to our esteemed guests, the first time flyers, if they would like to secure the honour of licking them. The official drink of the Airlines is scotch on the rocks, which will be served at frequent intervals. For the convenience of our honoured guests we also have supplies on board, of Gujrati Tharra and Multani Sardai, in addition to other assorted beverages.


We would like to remind our guests to remain seated and keep their seatbelts fastened at all times as there is a high risk of the flight running into turbulence, without warning. We would also like advise our guests, not to pay attention to the false rumours regarding the safety record of Tinpot International. Those who want to malign us have spread allegations of unexpected crashes. We would like to reassure our customers that our new crew has undergone rigorous training evaluation and has been approved by all the international air travel safety agencies including IATA, CIA, the Pentagon and the State Department. In the unlikely event of an emergency, emergency exits are provided and are clearly marked in bold letters as ‘Exit to USA’.

We hope that you will enjoy or state of the art in-flight entertainment system. We would specially recommend the internationally acclaimed and very popular soap opera, the ‘PTV Khabarnama’. Also see the award winning, self improvement programme, Chaudhry Wasi Zafar’s popular tips on personal grooming.

Dangerous materials such as sharp objects and sharp minds, inflammable liquids and inflammatory speeches, black coats and judicial wigs are prohibited on this flight. If you suspect anyone in possession of such materials, please approach a member of staff so that these persons can be asked to disembark at the nearest airport.

We are pleased to offer a range of duty free items to our passengers including the hand made Privatisation Chocolates, the Political Manifesto roll up cigarettes, for enhanced smoking satisfaction and the very exclusive, once in a lifetime NRO fudge cake. We accept all major international currencies and credit cards especially the ones drawn on Swiss bank accounts.

Thank you for choosing Tinpot International. We hope you have a pleasant journey.

See also by Hakim Hazik: The Prince and the Kingmaker, Mr. 100%


Musharraf | Politics

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