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Tinpot Defence Committee

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

We have an all star cast.

Billimar Niazi, the lover of military leadership, whose pulse quickens at the sight of khaki, who goes into throes of ecstasy at the sound of army boots. The adept survivor of the lynch mobs, who can recite the constitutional law backwards and interprets it in the same way.

Malik Mohammad Qayyum, the coruscating star on the firmament of Pakistani law, recorded regularly, giving sound legal advice to the luminaries of the world of wheelers and dealers, obediently accepting instructions from his paymasters, always careful to offer very reasonable rates. Dismissed in total disgrace from the bench, and nevertheless elected to the highest office of the bar.

The leery Mr Ranjha the redoubtable kisser of military behinds, the veritable incarnation of the statesman and world leader Uriah Heep. Rubbing his hands with glee at the crumbs thrown at him by the emerging Bonapartes. Jumps to defence of his employer with great loyalty if the price is right.

Uncle Pirzada The great law giver. Whose greatest asset is his honour, which he offers at to the buyers at competitive market rates. Viewing is by invitation only. You cannot buy such exclusive items on the high street. Great friend of the late Chairman Bhutto, till the time he needed him.

The committee will have its work cut out for it. It will have the great record of General Tinpot which speaks for itself.

Kargil was an unqualified success. Before Kargil we could not talk about Kashmir at the UN. There was a sea change after Kargil. No no, we still can’t talk about Kashmir at the UN. We can talk about it in Egypt though. Although we have to change the name of Kashmir. No, don’t jump to conclusions. The new name is not Core Issue. That was 10 years ago. It is not called Composite Dialogue either. Now Kashmir is called ‘All Outstanding Issues’. We can talk about it every 5 years in Sharm Al Sheikh. This is the greatest gift of Kargil, for which a thousand soldiers laid down their lives. Indeed these sacrifices have not been in vain.

The economy was in ruins. The foreign exchange reserves were at their lowest ebb. It was general Tinpot who came up with the idea, that we want trade and not aid. We fought for and achieved exclusive access to the international markets of Guantanamo Bay. We could provide very high quality, value added, Al Qaida enhanced exports to consolidate our market presence.  

As the result, the economy of Pakistan grew rapidly and we have run out of electricity. Our countrymen are resourceful they have found an alternative source of energy. At the moment they are burning trains and government offices across the length and breadth of the country. Pakistan is taking rapid strides. IMF is talking to us. Kerry-Luger are talking to us. Friends of Pakistan are talking to us.

Talk is cheap.

I mean, talk is easily resourced in the current investment climate.

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