Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

I am afraid that the Americans have driven me to distraction. They have refused cough up or to shut up. In the end I had to crawl on all fours to get them to restore the NATO supplies. Otherwise Islam would have been in serious danger and the welfare projects of 25 billion, that we have undertaken, would have to be wound up. The Defense Colonies would have turned into tent villages and the Fauji Foundation would have to be turned into a punctures repair shops for the indigent corps commanders. The Army wives would have to do tailoring and needle work to make ends meet. More...

Nikah

Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

This war is not our war. We are killing our own people to please foreign masters whereas we should be killing our own people to please our own masters. This is what I have always said. We need our own tsunami and we need it in our own teacup. More...

When the convoy of the Leader, arrived I was asleep.

The afternoon azans were being blasted from the loud speakers. The Maulvi Sahib would strike the microphone 3 times before he would clear his throat and recite the salutations. Then he would  plunge into the proper azan with gusto. Suddenly there would be a tumult from all around when tens of muezzins would call the faithful to the prayers. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

In the beginning God created the ECB.

As an afterthought and due to media pressure he created the BCCI and the PCB. To give a surprise to the angels who were bored to the point that they were talking to the bookies, he created Ijaz Butt. He ordered him to take abode in the Garden of Eden Housing Society (later merged into Defence Housing Authrority). He advised to him to watch the calories he ate and never to go near the forbidden tree of the Knowledge of the Good the Bad and the Ugly. From his rib he created the rib eye steak. He thrived in this garden and became the vicegerent of God on earth. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

I am saying what the Maulvi is saying. It means that I am becoming a Muslim. Being a Muslim is very nice. I have thought about it. I feel ready. Fasting is good. It makes you feel good. You have to get up in the middle of the night. I have a deep sleep. The house mother has to shake me hard to wake me up. I don’t mind. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

Our heartiest felicitations to the great philosopher of Islam and the scourge of the heretics for his re-employment at the world headquarters of virtue and piety, the great fountainhead of knowledge and wisdom, the satellite channel of Geo. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

They had come in their serried legions, by air by sea and by land routes. Gathering dust and glory of arduous distances, hazarding innumerable perils including the incomparable risks of flying on the PIA’s Air Buses, recycled from the Lahore Omnibuses. More...

Peter Higgs was a physicist, born in Edinburgh. At an early age he postulated the presence of massive entities called Higg’s bosoms which rivaled the achievements of Marilyn Monroe and Maulana Fazlur Rehman. He flirted for a little while with the Defense of Pakistan Council, but soon realized that this crush was futile and would not lead to any breakthroughs in cosmology. More...

Verily we are from God and to him must we return. While he lived, he was a source of inspiration to all of us. He implemented the vision of Al-Shaikh Abdul Wahab with diligence and with devotion. All the faithful in the world such as the standard bearers of Islam including Rana Sana Ullah and Malik Ishaq looked up to him for guidance.

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23rd of May, 2012

HRH Queen

Any Royal Residence

The World Over

Dear Ma'am

Hope you and Uncle Phil enjoy good health. I pray that he has recovered from his heart scare and now back again to his fighting fit ways, with the lot of us lot bearing the brunt of his jokes. I honestly have to admit that political correctness has taken things to such an extreme that humour now is non existent in what once used to be  a great country. More...