By: Hakim Hazik

Dear Readers,

Today we will show you how to catch dajjal in five easy and practical steps. 

Catching dajjal has recently become a very popular pastime among people who love the great outdoors. You will have seen various manuals, guides and self help books, some of them of questionable quality, on the very same topic. Although this can be a risky pursuit, if done properly and with expert guidance, there is no reason why it should not become a safe, rewarding and gratifying experience. 

You will need the following essential items: More...

By: Hakim Hazik

Meray Aziz Ham Watno,

In the name of Allah the beneficent, the merciful.

In the name of soft strategic depth, which has no equal.

Tonight, I want to report to the people of Pakistan and to the world, that the ISI has conducted an operation which has neutralized and eliminated Husain Haqqani, the biggest threat to the world peace and to the rule of law. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

To,

President Asif Ali Zardari

President of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan

And, 

Field Martial Avatar P Kayani

The Supreme Leader,

In-charge S Wing

Father of the Nation

Through the Good Offices of,

Mr Mansoor Ijaz, 

Interlocutor to Admiral Mullen, President Obama and God. 

Dear Sirs,

Please find enclosed my resignation from the post of the ambassador in Washington. I have submitted it simultaneously to the FO, the YouTube and the Twitter. More...

Letter from Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear Brother Nawaz,

We are in receipt of your worthy epistle. It has brought comfort to our aggrieved heart. May Allah SWT allow us to live and die as Muslims, preferably on martyrdom missions, and raise us as Muslims on the day of judgement preferably in our suicide attire. May God protect us from the Zionists and from the Iranians and the dangers that are incubating in Negev and in Bushehr. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

Mran had a big jalsa. Peepal are saying that nobody has done a bigger jalsa since Sheed Mohtarma, when she came in 1986 and your brather was driving the truck faram the airpoat, right upto the Yadgar. Afsos, I was nat driving the Land Rover this time. More...

Letter to Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

Verily, we are for God and to Him we must return. 

Your Majesty the Malik of the Holy Peninsula, the Servitor of the Holy Harems and the peerless conqueror of the Satanic Kingdom of Bahrain, please accept my heartfelt condolences at the sad passing away of the Crown Prince. Please also convey my deepest sympathies to the  23 brothers, whether Sudairi or non Sudairi, the 46 half brothers and 69 quarter brothers of the dear departed soul. More...

The High Charpai of ISI

By: Hakim Hazik

The shadow of God on earth, Field Marshal Avatar P. Kayani has pronounced in clear and unambiguous terms, that Pakistan will not take dictation from anyone. He was giving dictation to Parliamentary Defense Committee. He was in an expansive mood sitting on his customary charpai, as Chaudhry Nisar massaged his feet in a closed door session which was shown to the media through a crack in the door. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

O people of the Ummah, those who have kept faith, rejoice. The Ghazi has struck again; this time not in Mozang Chungi but in Highland Ranch, Colorado. The battle between Islam and the infidels is eternal and the conflict between good and evil is everlasting. Our enemies are always on the lookout to pounce whenever there is an opportunity. The defenders of the Faith have to be vigilant, as was the Ghazi in the Einstein Bagels car park, (Darn good bagels), as much as he was on the bright January day in front of Bahsir Darul Mahi, (Fish that transforms your love life). More...

BY: Hakim Hazik

We went for a study tour of the Green zone. I took all members of the troop. Some of them were barely Tenderfoots. I was the only Eagle Scout. We were put up in this building overlooking the embassy. The boys worked on their proficiency badges for masonry and cooking during the day. At night we had the campfire on the fifth floor with some shooting practice. The boys are already good at RPGs. Scouting in much misunderstood in Kabul. We only bring a message of friendship and peace. Sir Pasha agrees. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

We are, without a doubt the most honorable nation on the face of the earth. An attack on our sovereignty will be resisted with all possible means at our disposal. Haqqani Sahib is our knight in shining armour who will demolish the cruel and heartless American imperialism. 

He is the defender of the Faith and the servant of the Strategic Depth, in which we believe with our hearts and with our souls, unto which we hold no equal, to which we prostrate ourselves and from which we seek succour and sustenance. There is only one Supreme Entity superior to the Strategic Depth and that is the Soft Strategic Depth. More...