Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

A male never grows old. Dejection is a sin. Have you heard of the dead man rising in Muradabad? Rohu fish allows you to overcome the deficiency of calcium and improves your carnal powers. If only you take the vitamins that I take from Efroze Pharma, you will always stay young and continue to marry highly desirable women separated from highly undesirable men and continue to perform your conjugal duties to the highest standards. More...

Who says I am afraid? Pakistan is a peaceful country where nobody has ever been harmed for their political views. Everyone in Islamabad lives in peace and harmony, except black goats, Chinese massage women and journalists led astray by petty notions of free speech. World renowned figures have made its relaxing holiday retreats such as Abbott Abad their second homes. International celebrities come and go with complete freedom, especially Navy Seals in Stealth Helicopters. More...

31 Laxmi Mansion
Hall Road 
Lahore

Dear Uncle Ash,

I would not normally bother you at this critical juncture in our nations’s history. As you know, I would normally write to Uncle Sam whenever I run out of locally distilled whisky. I have heard that you are not talking to Uncle Sam any more. This has caused me tremendous anxiety so that I am worried that the essentials of life that are the last hope of  poor devout muslims like me will not arrive in time. I, like all the patriotic Pakistanis who ride a rented Sohrab bicycle, am quite attached to the idea of having gleaming new squadrons of F16s, so that we can destroy our enemies who cast their evil eyes on our determined nation. More...

خداوند عز و جل ما را اندر زمانه  پدید آورده است که اهل آن هوا را شریعت نام کرده اند و طلب جاه و ریاست و تکبر را عز و علم و ریا خلق را خشیت و نهان داشتن کینه را اندر دل حلم و مجادله را مناظره و مجازیت و سفاهت را عفت و نفاق را زهد و تمنا را ارادت و هزیان طبع را معرفت و حرکات دل و حدیث نفس را محبت و الحاد را فقر و حجود را صفوت و زندقه را فنا و ترک شریعت پیغامبر را طریقت و آفت اهل زمانه را معاملت نام کرده اند تا ارباب معانی اندر میان ایشان مهجور گشته اند و ایشان غلبه گرفتند.

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Extraordinary Rendition

By: Hakim Hazik

State vs. Lamb Husain alias Ram Parkash. 

The court reminds you that you are under oath tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The petitioner Wolf Uddin has submitted to this full bench that you have conspired and collaborated with a foreign power to bring the armed forces of this great pasture into disrepute. You have conspired to attack their morale and tried to disturb the peace of the forest. More...

By: Hakim Hazik

On behalf of the ISI, we welcome you to the biggest jalsa since the Pakistan Resolution was passed. This conference is fully supported by the Armed Forces of Pakistan, including Anjuman e Sipah e Sahaba, Lashkar e Taiba and 313 Brigade. More...

Letter to Brother Abdullah

By: Hakim Hazik

Jalalatul Mulk,

No man is island, entire unto itself. Eery man is a peninsula, none as holy as yours.  

Your Majesty,

Brother AZ is on the peninsula currently undergoing his ablutions on the periphery. Very soon he may join you in the Saroor Palace where your brother and your bhabi spent the best years of our life. Time and tide wait for no one. The Grim Reaper and General Pasha give no quarter. More...

اسوار

محمد ایوب 

کوھیڑ  اِنج

جیویں کوہ مری دیاں وادیاں اندر 

 بدل لتھے

چٹی جھنڈی چا کے وچوں چڑھیا آوے 

سد کریندا ''امن امان اچ رھوو بھراوو   امن امان اچ رھوو""

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By: Hakim Hazik

Our strategic assets are in safe hands. Safe hands have safe fingers which are in every commercial, financial and strategic pie. The moving finger writes and having writ, moves on and not all your piety nor wit, can lure it back to cancel half a line or persuade it to go to the Bonn Conference. More...

حامد عتیق 

جد غیراں نوں

گھر واڑیا سی

اوہدوں لوکاں کولوں

پچھیا سی؟

جیہڑا دس دے او!

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