The Quaid Ispeaks

By: Hakim Hazik

Dear daughters af the Mutahidda nation, rejoice. Yours was the biggest jalsa in the history of Jinnahpur. It has been certified by the Guiness Book of World Records and the London Metropolitan Police who have confirmed the size of the jalsa and the innocence of your birruther. It was the only feature in the bilessed Port City which could be seen from the outer ispace, ipart from the Defense Housing Society and the Amreekan Embassy. My eyes are wet, as I listen to the inspiring songs of Shazia Khushk.

At this moment of historic achievement, we should not forget Brother Imran Farooq who fell martyr to the cause of the midil cilasses on that cold, heartless London evening, shortly after buying his provisions in the Tesco Metro. He was a tirue camrade. I will never farget his cantirbutions as long as the two isassins are in the custody of the ISI and are nat biraught to justice in the customary fashion. I hope very soon we will find their wretched remains in an unmarked ambulance, without a dying declaration and their relatives will be infarmed via SMS, as is the norm in all civilised societies.

They will have to have their fingirs removed, so that none af them points in the wrang direction.

We isport the right or self determination for the Hazara peepil. If they choose to come to Orangi town of their own firee will, to be hunted down by the dirive by midil cilass isassin aan a motorbike, it is their fundamental human right. We have submitted the bill in the parliyament to imend the canstitution, as we send their bodies to Haripur with utmost respect. We do nat want a separate piravince. This is calumny and complete fabrication. However if the the peepil af Sind want to have a piravince of their own, and do nat want to be ruled firam Jinnahpur, we will respect their wishes.

Dear sisters,

You will have noticed that the mullahs are tirying to isteal a march aan the midil cilasses by holding big big rallies in defense af Pakistan. I would suggest nat to loose heart. They are like a paan in the game of chess. Very soon the tankers will be pilying igain and the mullahs will istop making ispeeches and istart burning tyres. This will happen as soon as BB Clinton and BB Khar have tea together at Grosvenor Isquare and issue piress release to the BBC. You should istore tyres in addition to waater and food rations.

I have made a song:

BB Khar in Wapping

Dr Shazia in Dorking

Dr Aafia in Sing Sing

Your birruther in Edgware,

This is a gireat thing.

Many peepil have come and gaan, but Mutahidda remains. Nobady can istop our forward march. No Khan, no Mirza can istand in our way. Those who come to file a soot with boxes of evidence will go home in a box.

Her Majesty zindabad,

Signed:

Big Birruther,

And,

The Met Commssioner,

New Iscatland Yard.